babala: wag basahin kung ayaw ng drama :p
It's really sinking in right now.
My room is a mess. I've picked out the stuff I want to bring with me, the clothes I want to wear, the books I promised myself I will read (to pass the time and the loneliness), and the things I decided to leave behind are basically just strewn around in my room. Like confetti. Or as if a banana bomb exploded in my room just now.
This must be how people with terminal illnesses feel. Picking out the clothes they want to wear to their own funeral, picking which stuff goes to whom, writing a last will and testament. This is probably the closest I'll get to that feeling--although it bothers me that I associate my leaving with dying. You're weird, Anj.
I should be excited. This is, after all, my choice, and like I always say, kung ano ang pinili mo, panindigan mo. But I can't really help it if I'm still feeling torn over everything, can I?
I told Leni last night that despite the fact that I've made my decision and I'm happy that I did, part of me still feels so unsure about all of this. Jitters? Maybe. Thing is, part of me wants this to work out so bad, and yet another part of me is thinking that it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't. Feeling ko tuloy ang sama ko for even thinking about it like that. But like I said, I can't help it.
I know I'll probably get over this in a week or so. And the fact that I'm actually already planning for an August '08 vacation somehow leads me to believe that everything will be alright--I'll be just fine. A year goes by really fast, after all. And like I've said over and over, there are no definite goodbyes when it comes to friends. OK lang ako, kaya ko 'to.
Ayoko lang mag-senti, mag-drama. Pero naiisip ko minsan, is it worth getting so worked up over this? Baka naman ako lang yun. Will other people miss me as much as I will miss them (which is, in all honesty, to death)? Wala lang.
Hay naku. Ayoko na ngang mag-isip. Sana pag natulog ako, paggising ko andun na ko. Para tapos na, wala nang madami pang ek-ek.
My room is a mess. I've picked out the stuff I want to bring with me, the clothes I want to wear, the books I promised myself I will read (to pass the time and the loneliness), and the things I decided to leave behind are basically just strewn around in my room. Like confetti. Or as if a banana bomb exploded in my room just now.
This must be how people with terminal illnesses feel. Picking out the clothes they want to wear to their own funeral, picking which stuff goes to whom, writing a last will and testament. This is probably the closest I'll get to that feeling--although it bothers me that I associate my leaving with dying. You're weird, Anj.
I should be excited. This is, after all, my choice, and like I always say, kung ano ang pinili mo, panindigan mo. But I can't really help it if I'm still feeling torn over everything, can I?
I told Leni last night that despite the fact that I've made my decision and I'm happy that I did, part of me still feels so unsure about all of this. Jitters? Maybe. Thing is, part of me wants this to work out so bad, and yet another part of me is thinking that it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't. Feeling ko tuloy ang sama ko for even thinking about it like that. But like I said, I can't help it.
I know I'll probably get over this in a week or so. And the fact that I'm actually already planning for an August '08 vacation somehow leads me to believe that everything will be alright--I'll be just fine. A year goes by really fast, after all. And like I've said over and over, there are no definite goodbyes when it comes to friends. OK lang ako, kaya ko 'to.
Ayoko lang mag-senti, mag-drama. Pero naiisip ko minsan, is it worth getting so worked up over this? Baka naman ako lang yun. Will other people miss me as much as I will miss them (which is, in all honesty, to death)? Wala lang.
Hay naku. Ayoko na ngang mag-isip. Sana pag natulog ako, paggising ko andun na ko. Para tapos na, wala nang madami pang ek-ek.
Labels: senti-mode
posted by anj at 8:10 AM
2 Comments:
ako mamimiss kita. loner na naman ako. waah. hehe.
awww. mamimiss din kita. wag ka naman magpaka-loner when i'm gone--anjan pa naman sina jon, kim at dax. sila bahala sayo :)
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