21...

21 days remain until my big vacation. 21 days until I finally get to meet my baby sister, Angel.

Angel is my sister from my mom's 2nd marriage. She's 5 now and in pre-school, and well...I've never met her. My sister Anna hasn't either. And this upcoming trip will be the first time we get to see her.

I'm such a sucker for little kids--boys, girls, fat kids, skinny kids, blond kids, white kids, black kids, asian kids...you name it. And I'm really good with children too. That's probably why I feel kinda bummed to not have been there during the first 5 years of my baby sister's life. Sure, she knows about me and we talk on the phone, but it's still different to actually be there and see her grow up.

Come to think of it, I didn't see Luke (my 11-year-old brother on my Dad's side) growing up either. And it's kind of a huge deal since he's my only brother (and I wanted a brother for so long) and practically my only link to my Dad (who passed away in 2003). It's kind of a hard relationship with him--he lives with his mom and I don't get to see him often (though I send him gifts for every occasion). I miss him a lot, and often I wonder how he's doing. *sigh*

As the big sister, I kind of have this self-imposed task to make it up to both Luke and Angel. That's definitely one if my top priorities as of late--to keep the ties going. Funny, how I used to think how boring it is to come from such a small family of 2 siblings. Now that there's four of us, and in separate locations at that, I definitely feel the challenge. But I'll work on it--it's family, it deserves a little bit more effort.

Wow. Am I really this candid, talking (writing?) about these things? A couple of years ago, I wouldn't have been so open. I guess I've learned that it's so much easier when I'm being true to myself and taking all things in stride, as opposed to keeping it all in and worrying out of my mind about it. My siblings (whether biological, half or step) are an undeniable part of me, as I am of them. Not to mention that I feel that my siblings kind of bring out this good thing in me--the part where I become more caring and nurturing and less self-absorbed. After all, I am the big sister here.