17...

Tantanan n'yo ko...please...


Unlike most people, I look up to several figures as some sort of a mother. Of course, there's my Mama (my mom). And then there's Ninang (my mom's sister), who has been nothing short of a mother to me ever since I could remember. Then there's Mommy (my maternal grandmother). And when Mommy died, even Daddy (my maternal grandfather whom we like to refer to as Grand-Pappy) became a lot like a mother to me.

As you can see, my life has always been feminine-dominated (with the exception of Daddy, of course, and a few...actually, one uncle). And this is the precise reason why I find a little difficulty dealing with male authority. Although my lolo was the ultimate patriarch, there were always a number of females to outnumber (sometimes, override) him at a number of given instances. And this is the perfect example of how, um... FEMALES ROCK!!!

However, seeing that it's Mother's Day, heck, it's all the same to me:

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, Y'ALL!!!!!

***

You'd think that I--a person who's so used to pressuring herself to get things over and done with--would take to external pressure lightly. On the contrary, I kinda got...pissed. I didn't mean to, but I guess comments like that triggered my insecurities and doubts about that particular matter. I just don't like it when people get pushy (even though it's for my own good). It's bad enough that I have me to push myself around. I don't need another person's unsolicited advice to add insult to injury.

Nakakainis lang kasi eh. I mean, the heck do you know how hard it is to be in my position?! You didn't even ask how I felt about it. You just plain assumed. And if there's one thing I hate, it's people who assume.

Now, if you really want to know how I truly feel about it, then fine: I don't f***ing know how I feel, nor do I know what I want. What I know is that I'm willing to give it a shot, at my own pace, when I'm ready. But if I do fail on the first try, it doesn't mean I'm any less intelligent. I will decide what to do next if and when the time comes.

You can't vicariously live your life through me. Deal with it.

Just please stop pressuring me, because quite frankly, it's not funny.

***

OK, that's enough angsty ranting for today. On a lighter note, my trip is only 17 days away. That's just about two weeks + a few days to go. My mom tells me it's the perfect time to go to Napa and San Francisco--it's summer, and there's all these fairs and shows and concerts to go to. Not to mention the 4th of July (for which I already have plans about what to cook, yum!). I won't even be ashamed to go gung-ho as a tourist (which I technically am not)--I'm just going to take it all in, and no one's stopping me. :D

After about a month with my Mom, I'm staying in Cincinnati, Ohio with my Ninang and her family. I'm sooo looking forward to that too, especially to the New York trip she promised me (Ahh, my dream city, I'm finally going to see you...). We might also go to Chicago and Boston (I'm crossing my fingers!)...I'm super psyched!

And then it's back to Napa for the remaining 3 weeks (...or so. I can be flexible, hehe) of my vacation. Just enough time to bond with my Mama, who I'm missing so much this Mother's Day.

I'm having trouble sleeping already. I'm just bouncing off the walls in excitement! :p