SICK
I woke up sick today--physically and emotionally.
It's a wonder how a person can go from one emotion to another in just a moment, how you can be deliriously ecstatic now and tired-angry just a minute later.
I'm not going to whine and say how my life is crap, simply because it's not. In my 22 short years of living, I've learned that you don't always get what you give, that sometimes we don't have the pleasure of having all that we want take place all at once. I re-realized this today, when I was thinking how one part of my life seems to take too long to go right, just when everything else is finally falling into place. It felt like this whole cheeseball dramatic movie moment--me feeling sick to my stomach and having the pain creep into my heart. How very soap opera.
I was crying--that's how I've always dealt with pain--but snapped out of the B.S. as soon as someone said nothing was ever solved by tears. It does help you get off the pain for the moment like a pill, but once the numbness wears off , you feel twice as as much pain as you did. Sometmes we're better off facing the pain head-on, looking it in the eye and letting it know that you're not letting it take you and rip you into pieces.
Sometimes, it's not that easy.
The past few days have been crazy between me and my grandpa. There's just this strain in our relationship that won't go away, like an old injury that keeps on haunting you, leaving you tarnished for life.
He's just out of it--he's been extra controlling, extra hot-tempered, extra everything that's not nice these days. He just doesn't know how to listen. He's always right, and we're always wrong.
He used to ask for our opinions then rebutt it--now he acts like we don't even have any. Like we're just big blow-up dolls floating around him. His ego and self-absorption is just way out of hand. He's become selfish, and it's sad. And he blames everything on me--him misplacing his stuff, messing up his room, even him losing a pen, for crying out loud!. It's like he's a bull and I'm walking around the house with a target on my back.
I know I'm supposed to think that maybe it's not just him with the problem. Maybe I should take a long look in the mirror too and analyze if I'd done anything wrong. The thing is, it's not just me who's noticing--everybody in this entire household has, even the help.
He's not a total turd. He's still nice at times and even got his own doctor to check on me today.
It just puts us off how he acts like everything's always about him--him, him, HIM.
I, personally, am sick of it. Parang gusto ko tuloy bawiin yung post ko a few days back.
It's a wonder how a person can go from one emotion to another in just a moment, how you can be deliriously ecstatic now and tired-angry just a minute later.
I'm not going to whine and say how my life is crap, simply because it's not. In my 22 short years of living, I've learned that you don't always get what you give, that sometimes we don't have the pleasure of having all that we want take place all at once. I re-realized this today, when I was thinking how one part of my life seems to take too long to go right, just when everything else is finally falling into place. It felt like this whole cheeseball dramatic movie moment--me feeling sick to my stomach and having the pain creep into my heart. How very soap opera.
I was crying--that's how I've always dealt with pain--but snapped out of the B.S. as soon as someone said nothing was ever solved by tears. It does help you get off the pain for the moment like a pill, but once the numbness wears off , you feel twice as as much pain as you did. Sometmes we're better off facing the pain head-on, looking it in the eye and letting it know that you're not letting it take you and rip you into pieces.
Sometimes, it's not that easy.
The past few days have been crazy between me and my grandpa. There's just this strain in our relationship that won't go away, like an old injury that keeps on haunting you, leaving you tarnished for life.
He's just out of it--he's been extra controlling, extra hot-tempered, extra everything that's not nice these days. He just doesn't know how to listen. He's always right, and we're always wrong.
He used to ask for our opinions then rebutt it--now he acts like we don't even have any. Like we're just big blow-up dolls floating around him. His ego and self-absorption is just way out of hand. He's become selfish, and it's sad. And he blames everything on me--him misplacing his stuff, messing up his room, even him losing a pen, for crying out loud!. It's like he's a bull and I'm walking around the house with a target on my back.
I know I'm supposed to think that maybe it's not just him with the problem. Maybe I should take a long look in the mirror too and analyze if I'd done anything wrong. The thing is, it's not just me who's noticing--everybody in this entire household has, even the help.
He's not a total turd. He's still nice at times and even got his own doctor to check on me today.
It just puts us off how he acts like everything's always about him--him, him, HIM.
I, personally, am sick of it. Parang gusto ko tuloy bawiin yung post ko a few days back.
posted by anj at 12:23 AM
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