aray.

My back is killing me. We've been practicing handstands in class and I just can't seem to get it right. And my head's still throbbing from that accidental kick that my sparring partner threw without looking...and connected. I don't get it when my capoeira teacher says I could really be good at it when I can't even do a fricking headstand and duck to save my life (isa pang di sanay--this is the defeatist in me speaking -_-).

On the brighter side of things, I finally got my nome de guerre: Passaro. Portuguese for bird. Guess my teacher's first impression of me included a lot of bird-like flapping from that hoodie I was wearing that it's stuck. wahaha.

*****

I had the chance to sub for the kindergarten teacher yesterday. Now that is one job I can do every single day of the week. Ang saya. They were easy to please, very eager and very innocent. Sabi nga ni Anna, "walang bahid ng malisya".

Kinda makes you wonder what happened to us adults that made us the way we are now? -_-

*****

Right now, I am just so far off from the position when I can turn down jobs. But I did, and I did it twice. There was this one job that called for a couple of hours' commute per day, and I got to thinking if it was really worth all that effort for measly pay. Another one turned out to be kind of a scam, or at least it seemed to me.

Hay, ang buhay ng jobhunter. I know beggars can't be choosers, but even beggars have to learn not to settle sometimes :p

di na sanay.

I'm soooo tired. It's not even 2 pm and I feel like calling it a day already. I had work today and yesterday (and another one on Thursday), so I had to wake up at 5:30 am. I used to be able to do that without being tired and drained out of my wits. Di na kasi sanay. I guess it's like this when you go from having one job today, and another kind of job tomorrow, then no job the next, then a job again...you get it. I love having this job and I love being with the kids and I'm thankful for every single time they call me--I just think my body's going to thank me more if I had to do this every single day, you know? Para masanay ulit. I wish they'd just realize that I'm doing a great job and I have a really excellent rapport with the kids and give me that permanent position already!

*****

Why is it so easy for kids to choose to misbehave instead of just doing the right thing? Then again, madali din naman pala for adults to do the exact same shit? So let me rephrase my question--BAKIT MASARAP GAWIN ANG BAWAL?

I don't know, I think it's just me...or my sister Angel. She's just a...well, she's just always an angel (okay, almost always). Kaya di na siguro ako sanay sa mga batang pasaway.

Yun.

*****

My sister Anna's going back to the Philippines in a little over a month. That's another thing I'm probably never going to get used to. We've just always been together forever, literally. The Dynamic Duo, that's us. The longest we've been away from each other's like, I don't know, 3 days? And even then we missed each other like hell and couldn't wait to share stories. So I'm wondering how I'll fare knowing it's going to be months before we see each other again. Baby ko kasi yon e, ever since.

Ayoko yata maghatid sa airport. Nakakahiya humagulgol :p

*****

Di din ako sanay not to have constant communication with friends. My body clock's been insane the past couple of weeks that I can't, for the life of me, just seem to quit hitting that snooze button every single morning. When I have work, I barely have the time in the morning to go online and chat. Days I don't have work, I basically just waste away sleeping.

I miss my friends. Moreso now than ever before :(

*****

Di na ko sanay mag-violin at magtata-tumbling. I haven't practiced--touched, even--my violin for a week now, and I bet I'm going to sound as rusty as ever when I finally do again. Di na din ako sanay magtata-tumbling. The capoeira instructor asked me if I'd ever done a cartwheel before, and I said, "Yeah...like 15 years ago." So kamusta naman ang 10 cartwheels to the left and 10 cartwheels to the right. No wonder I feel like an 80-year-old lady every after class.

ginga, baby!

Again, we drove half and hour away from home for that weekly one-hour self-imposed torture called Capoeira class. (Hindi naman torture, actually. It's just that every morning after class I can't help but as myself, "Bakit ko ba tino-torture and sarili ko nang ganito?" Yep, it hurts that much.) Last night was a workout. We did all our basics, escapes and now added kicks and floor movements. And the Mestre would say, "Since you guys are new to this, just give me, say...20 of each." Pasalamat pa daw kami na it's not a 500-kick day. Then we did our first ever roda, our "sparring circle", so to speak. Seriously, for anyone who's doubting how flexible and how agile they can be, capoeira's the thing. Whatever can make me (not to mention a 200-lb linebacker) do cartwheels all over the roda--yun yon. Try it!

OK. Now where's my ice pack..... :p

fear.

I almost crashed into a tree the other night. I was driving, just picked my sister up from an evening activity in school. It was raining hard and I guess I drove too close to the curb and the gutter water splashed all over the car, including the windshield and the right side windows. For about five seconds, I couldn't see a thing, I was panicked, I was so scared I almost lost control of the car. I felt the car hit the curb, go over the curb and that's when I guess I recovered my senses and slammed the brakes as hard as I can. I was inches from that tree, I swear.

I can't even remember the time since I last was so scared.

Gusto kong maging racecar driver. Or piloto. Seryoso.

I wish I'd figured this out when I was younger. Sana pag pinanganak ka alam mo na agad kung ano talaga yung path na gusto mong patunguhan ng buhay mo. Boring siguro, pero at least may kasiguruhan. Minsan yun lang kasi yung panghahawakan mo sa buhay na walang kasiguruhan.

Ewan -_-

Alam ko pag nagbigay ka, dapat wala kang inaasahang kapalit. Dapat buong puso, taos puso.

Pero pano pag konti lang naman yung hinihingi mong kapalit--yung hindi naman makakaabala, yung hindi makakasama, hindi makakasakit. Diba OK lang naman humingi?

Pero hindi yata. Kaya dun sa may pakana nung mga salitang give and take, PAKYU. Lokohin mong lelang mo.

-_-

i love you baby....

Meet my new Baby.

Yan ang love...

pinaghihirapan :p

not-so-guilty pleasure.

Mag-drive sa gabi. Yan ang bago kong guilty pleasure. 10 pm, 11, 12 midnight--the later, the better. Masarap kasi parang sa akin lang ang mundo. Just me and the Jeep, against all odds. Parang nakikisama sa akin yung paligid--the lights turn green when I want them to, the cars slow down to let me pass them, those revelers at the Steakhouse scream "HI!!!" when I pass them by. Tahimik, maayos, parang naka-slow mo. Hindi tulad ng realidad na napaka-komplikado.

I want.
-_-

Mama told us a story about how somebody from work cost the company a huge sum of money because that person assumed instead of verifying info. Now everyone involved's inconvenienced, their schedules fucked up, and pissed off at that particular person. On top of that, that particular person's in pretty deep shit.

My stepdad says the world doesn't have neither time nor space for people who assume. Assume and you die, that's what he says.

Moral lesson: WAG MAGING ASSUMING. bow.

happy kalibugan month, y'all. gak.

Math. History. It doesn't get any better than this.

Trust me to find myself 10 years after, standing in front of a middle school class, telling them to love the subjects I learned to loathe long before.

Ah, the utter irony of it all.

And PS, my brain has been totally fried off my college math experience. It's like burnt cheese, stuck like glue to the bottom of the pan, waiting to be peeled of and discarded. Promise, that's how it feels right now. So this weekend, this lovely weekend which was supposed to be all about DVDs and nacho chips and wine, I'm going to study my brains out. I don't want to be explaining what the word semplang means to my American students, instead of teaching them algebra. So there.

-_-