I was kind of having an off-day (too much "happy" the past few days, I guess) today. It was cold outside, the sun was behind all these rain clouds, and I wasn't feeling too good.
Until my new phone came knocking on the door (well, the UPS guy actually :p). Yay!
And then my stepdad handed me this small brown envelope addressed to my sister (engk?). Turns out it was a card for me.
I got it around 6pm, just when I was about to call it a night--just in the nick of time. Cos, hey--it made my day. Super.
Salamat, guys. I wish I could give you the real thing, but in the meantime:
While it wasn't exactly how I pictured my 25th, I have to say that it was one of the best birthdays I've had in years.
Thanks to Mom, Jon and Ninang for my "camera fund", Angel for my impromptu birthday card (hehe), and Anna for my "mature" birthday cake and for making that AVP. And to everyone who took time to answer back to my sister's ad and send pictures and messages--pakyu kayong lahat, hahaha! No seriously--I love you guys *hug*.
Sa lahat ng bumati, nag-text, anything--you guys don't know how much it meant to me. Aylabyu!
"Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder. Don't you know tha hardest part is over? Let it in."
A nice talk with a friend (and a very unexpected one, at that) and this song on the radio reminded me yesterday that sometimes it's so much simpler to look for the good in things, rather than dwell on the doubtful and the negative. We may find ourselves in situations we might not completely have the appreciation for, but it in the end there will always be something to take away from that not-so-happy instance in our lives. Well, if we chose to.
And friends--friends will always, always be there. No matter the time, no matter the distance. No matter how sh*t-faced you get. They're the ones who laugh at how stupid drunk you are, but hold your hair from your face when you're puking your guts out. The ones who have quirks--unbelievable mood swings, an irritating habit, weird taste in men/women--but tolerate your own mood swings, irritating habits...and weird taste in men or women. They're the ones who hug you so tight when your heart's all broken--even though they're not the most touchy-feely persons on Earth--like they're trying to smoosh all the pieces back together.
Family. And "firsts" with family. Sometimes when you've been walking the world searching to fill this gap within you, this hole in your soul, you find that the thing that will make you whole has been sitting right under your nose the whole time. It doesn't get any simpler than that.
It was almost noon when I woke up today, and man, did I have the greatest sleep ever in God knows how long.
I'm jobhunting, phone-buying, walking and looking forward to not just my birthday (which is this Saturday, by the way :p), but to Thanksgiving and a white Tahoe Christmas (and a visit from my favorite cousin in the whole wide world!)--and all other good things that come with this newfound perspective in life.
I thought I'd never see the day, hehe. But I'm glad it's here.
Carpe Diem, people!
*****
You can turn the clock to zero, honey I'll sell the stock, we'll spend all the money We're starting up a brand new day.
Anna and I were watching The Holiday yesterday and we decided that going here was like a bad breakup:
You mope, although you hide it from other people by putting on a fake smile and pretending to "brush it off" just like that.
You play with your hair. Color it. Get bangs (which you'll later regret and sidesweep til they're a decent unnoticable length again).
You try to "sleep it off". It's not worth getting up until the sun comes down and everything is as dark and as gloomy as you feel.
You can't eat. Don't eat. Except for those many instances you decide chocolate bars and brownies (and ice cream and chips...) are the only things worth pigging out on.
You run. Start an exercise thing. Try to burn off all that junk you've been putting on your system.
You listen to sad songs. Sing along to them. Loud.
You decide after a while that it's time to shake it off, and move on.
Look what a day of Jude Law did to us -_- Hahaha.
If you were falling, then I would catch you... You need a light, I'd find a match... Cuz I love the way you say good morning... And you take me the way I am.
Hiked today up the redwood park about a couple of hours away from home. It was a very scenic drive, with the trees starting to turn different colors, just like in the movies. I felt like Little Red Riding Hood, walking amidst the 1,000-year-old, 300+ feet redwood trees :p
For a moment, I didn't think about anything. I just took it all in.
Then we went down Sonoma Coast, to the little beaches. Freezing cold, brrrr. It was very pretty, with huge waves and pebbled shores. I got to thinking, that if anything, I would miss being able to go to the beach and actually be in the water even in the coldest tropical months, like Boracay in December *sigh*.
It was a nice break from the monotony of the past weeks, though. It took my mind off a lot of things. Not all of them, of course, but I have to say it did me a little good.
A talk with my Ninang gave me a bit of inspiration too. Some sort of a new mantra:
It's good to miss, but it's way better to look forward. Yep.
*****
(It's been raining a lot lately, and a really nice memory just popped into my head :D)
Raindrops keep fallin' on my head And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed Nothin' seems to fit Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin' So I just did me some talkin' to the sun And I said I didn't like the way he got things done Sleepin' on the job Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin' But there's one thing I know The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me Raindrops keep fallin' on my head But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red Cryin's not for me 'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin' Because I'm free Nothin's worryin' me It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me Raindrops keep fallin' on my head But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red Cryin's not for me 'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin' Because I'm free Nothin's worryin' me Hehe.
I watched Il Postino yesterday. I love that scene when Neruda asks Mario to say something beautiful about his island. And all Mario could utter was, "Beatrice Russo." (the name of the waitress at Vino en Cantina).
Awww *blushes*
*****
Leni and I were talking about that part in The Alchemist when Coelho says that, "When you really want something, the whole Universe conspires so that you may get it."
Then we decided, hindi yun totoo. Because sometimes, even when you honestly, desperately want something, the ball may be on someone else's court, and that someone will have the power to decide. More often than not, as I've experienced, it won't swing your way. Kaya hindi siya totoo. Coelho must have had a wonderful, glorious moment once in his life that made him come up with such a statement. The rest of us--not as lucky a bastard as he is.
*****
In light of that Coelho moment, I told Leni that I think sometimes even when you've given up everything--your pride, your happiness, your all--just for that one desire, wala pa rin. Wasak ka na, wawasakin ka pa rin nang tuluyan.
leni: parang ako, wasak. anj: ikaw at ako, wasak. leni: haha. anj: baka kaya tayo friends. we may not be part of the same china, but we make a pretty damn fine mosaic :D leni: tama! ancient-rome mosaic. yes. uma-art stud.
who wants to be part of that mosaic too? :p
*****
Mi Manchi.
Means I miss you in Italian. Although sa Babelfish daw, it means "it lacks to me" (literally), which I first thought was just plain stupid, heehee.
When you actually think about it, though, it does make sense. Because when you miss someone, you do feel like something's not quite there. Like you're incomplete, and you need that certain someone, or something to make you feel whole again. So tama nga, I miss you--because I "lack" you, because you're not here.
*sigh* Mi manchi.... :'(
*****
It's getting colder by the day. I spend my days running, reading, cooking--by myself. And my nights thinking--still by myself. It's hard. But I'm learning to bite my lip and press on. Because life is hard. For all I know this may just a little pinprick in my life's skin.
It was a good day today. Woke up early, talked to friends on YM (who I looove, kahit inaaway nila ako -_-). Listened to LSS-inducing music. Went to Copperfield's (very nice, very expensive bookstore)--which turned out to have a huge sale, yahoo! Headed to the vineyards for a picnic lunch (naalala ko tuloy ang naudlot na picnic sa Circle *wah*) at V. Sattui (one of my favorite places on Earth. as in). Drove around pretty St. Helena. Watched the leaves turn yellow (well, I didn't really wait and watched :p). Went to Castello di Amorosa--a real live pimpin' castle on top of a hill, moat and all!). Drove up to the pretty Carmelite Monastery with the awesome view of the valley. Went home in time for Mama's shift, slept till late afternoon. Ahhhhhh.
I think I made progress with respect to work too. Finally filled out that application form from Chaudhary. Fine-tuned my resume a little bit. Talked over some computer stuff with Elmo, who gave me a brief workshop on the programs. Made it halfway through The Golden Compass (yahu! hahaha).
It was a simple, simple day. But it was, as they say in Italy, bellissima! :D
*based on a true story. Just a little laugh-trip kwento from my sister. I promised to not name names though. Wahahaha. (C*****, kung mababasa mo man to, peace tayo p're! Astig ka!!!)
At a McDonald's somewhere in the USA:
Guy: Welcome to McDonald's! Pinoy: Ah... Can I have 1-piece chicken with rice, please? Guy: Sorry. We don't serve rice. Pinoy: Oh. What do you have? Guy: Rolls. Pinoy: Okay. I'll have that. Guy: For here or to go? Pinoy: What? Guy: For here or to go? Pinoy: Uh, dine-in. Guy: What?! To go? Pinoy: To go where???
Went to mass with my family yesterday after the longest time. It felt a little weird to be sitting there, trying to sing along to all the songs (new ones, nonetheless), responding in unison with everyone. Wala lang. I felt kind of...lost, I guess.
It's was probably a good thing the mass was, um, different (read:mabilis at masaya). You know how they say everything in America's on fast-forward--the food, the time, and yes, even church. The priest--he rocked, hehe. He delivered this nice, witty homily about how some people just can't help but think the world revolves around them. In the end, all they end up doing is compressing their worlds into something so small, it doesn't allow anybody in but themselves. People need people, even those who seem to not need anything more in life. I could just imagine what a sad, painful existence that must be, thinking you don't need anyone else.
Then at night my mom (who's very religious and very Catholic) and I got into a long conversation about religion. I never told her about my reservations about my own faith before, seeing how she's such a staunch follower. But I'm glad I was able to last night. We talked about what we liked and didn't like, about how it would be so nice to get a peek into how other religions worked. I for one would love to see how a Jewish service goes--it seems so much more solemn, more deeply-rooted. I'm glad my mom was on her usual Mama-mode--although she didn't like the fact that I haven't been going to church in a long while, she's supportive of my "exploratory" mood when it comes to my faith. After all, she says, what's important is that you believe--regardless of who or what.
It was sort of relieving to realize how free I've suddenly become to believe whatever I chose--God knows (no pun intended) how "boxed" I've become in 12 years of catholic school, where you're spoon-fed your faith and they expect you to just tough it up and keep it all in, like bad medicine to a kid (although I have to say I have nothing against sending kids to catholic school just to instill some sense of religious foundation). It's just nice to be able to explore different things freely. No, make that "to explore different things", period.
I'm terrified of not existing. And I don't know if the things that I think I want are really what I want. I'm figuring it all out. Well, at least I'm trying. Oh, and I hate stupid people.
