di na sanay.

I'm soooo tired. It's not even 2 pm and I feel like calling it a day already. I had work today and yesterday (and another one on Thursday), so I had to wake up at 5:30 am. I used to be able to do that without being tired and drained out of my wits. Di na kasi sanay. I guess it's like this when you go from having one job today, and another kind of job tomorrow, then no job the next, then a job again...you get it. I love having this job and I love being with the kids and I'm thankful for every single time they call me--I just think my body's going to thank me more if I had to do this every single day, you know? Para masanay ulit. I wish they'd just realize that I'm doing a great job and I have a really excellent rapport with the kids and give me that permanent position already!

*****

Why is it so easy for kids to choose to misbehave instead of just doing the right thing? Then again, madali din naman pala for adults to do the exact same shit? So let me rephrase my question--BAKIT MASARAP GAWIN ANG BAWAL?

I don't know, I think it's just me...or my sister Angel. She's just a...well, she's just always an angel (okay, almost always). Kaya di na siguro ako sanay sa mga batang pasaway.

Yun.

*****

My sister Anna's going back to the Philippines in a little over a month. That's another thing I'm probably never going to get used to. We've just always been together forever, literally. The Dynamic Duo, that's us. The longest we've been away from each other's like, I don't know, 3 days? And even then we missed each other like hell and couldn't wait to share stories. So I'm wondering how I'll fare knowing it's going to be months before we see each other again. Baby ko kasi yon e, ever since.

Ayoko yata maghatid sa airport. Nakakahiya humagulgol :p

*****

Di din ako sanay not to have constant communication with friends. My body clock's been insane the past couple of weeks that I can't, for the life of me, just seem to quit hitting that snooze button every single morning. When I have work, I barely have the time in the morning to go online and chat. Days I don't have work, I basically just waste away sleeping.

I miss my friends. Moreso now than ever before :(

*****

Di na ko sanay mag-violin at magtata-tumbling. I haven't practiced--touched, even--my violin for a week now, and I bet I'm going to sound as rusty as ever when I finally do again. Di na din ako sanay magtata-tumbling. The capoeira instructor asked me if I'd ever done a cartwheel before, and I said, "Yeah...like 15 years ago." So kamusta naman ang 10 cartwheels to the left and 10 cartwheels to the right. No wonder I feel like an 80-year-old lady every after class.

ginga, baby!

Again, we drove half and hour away from home for that weekly one-hour self-imposed torture called Capoeira class. (Hindi naman torture, actually. It's just that every morning after class I can't help but as myself, "Bakit ko ba tino-torture and sarili ko nang ganito?" Yep, it hurts that much.) Last night was a workout. We did all our basics, escapes and now added kicks and floor movements. And the Mestre would say, "Since you guys are new to this, just give me, say...20 of each." Pasalamat pa daw kami na it's not a 500-kick day. Then we did our first ever roda, our "sparring circle", so to speak. Seriously, for anyone who's doubting how flexible and how agile they can be, capoeira's the thing. Whatever can make me (not to mention a 200-lb linebacker) do cartwheels all over the roda--yun yon. Try it!

OK. Now where's my ice pack..... :p

fear.

I almost crashed into a tree the other night. I was driving, just picked my sister up from an evening activity in school. It was raining hard and I guess I drove too close to the curb and the gutter water splashed all over the car, including the windshield and the right side windows. For about five seconds, I couldn't see a thing, I was panicked, I was so scared I almost lost control of the car. I felt the car hit the curb, go over the curb and that's when I guess I recovered my senses and slammed the brakes as hard as I can. I was inches from that tree, I swear.

I can't even remember the time since I last was so scared.

i love you baby....

Meet my new Baby.

Yan ang love...

pinaghihirapan :p

not-so-guilty pleasure.

Mag-drive sa gabi. Yan ang bago kong guilty pleasure. 10 pm, 11, 12 midnight--the later, the better. Masarap kasi parang sa akin lang ang mundo. Just me and the Jeep, against all odds. Parang nakikisama sa akin yung paligid--the lights turn green when I want them to, the cars slow down to let me pass them, those revelers at the Steakhouse scream "HI!!!" when I pass them by. Tahimik, maayos, parang naka-slow mo. Hindi tulad ng realidad na napaka-komplikado.

Mama told us a story about how somebody from work cost the company a huge sum of money because that person assumed instead of verifying info. Now everyone involved's inconvenienced, their schedules fucked up, and pissed off at that particular person. On top of that, that particular person's in pretty deep shit.

My stepdad says the world doesn't have neither time nor space for people who assume. Assume and you die, that's what he says.

Moral lesson: WAG MAGING ASSUMING. bow.

"And I'm.....back in the game!!!!"

Random thought. Wala lang. I was watching 10 Things I Hate About You (which I will never tire of watching, ever) last night and the line just stuck.

It's the fourth week of the new year and I'm not in my normal it's cold-wake up early-go to work-look for raket phase this year (although it is cold and i am indeed looking for raket or something more), and times like these are usually reflection time for me. The past few days have been nothing but reading, watching movies, running, cooking, driving around, staying away from the computer, not sleeping right--I'm bound to have a thought or two pop into my head, right?

So (like an annual financial report at a big boardroom meeting), here's my first realizations for 2008 (bow):

• Some people can have a million reasons to justify their selfishness, and not one will make sense.
• In the eventuality that I will have children, I will love them with all of me, and never let it get so bad that I have to ask others to love them for me.
• An ugly past is a lame excuse for stupid decisions.
• It's OK to miss people, even after you've gotten back to the rhythm of things.
• I have a growing addiction to colorful hoodies.
• I will never get tired of watching 10 Things I Hate About You.
• Take the flab and the fondness for tukey legs away, Henry VIII could have been a total hottie back in the day.
• I like to run, but I'm afraid it's not for me (cos my right ankle freaking hurts after everytime!).
• When I have kids, I will never make them feel like they owe me big time for having borne them.
• When people tell me I'm beautiful, I'm both pleased and kind of bothered (like, "Aww, thanks." and "Uh, why?" at the same time. Aside from, "Um...duh!", of course. Wehehe, joke).
• I think I've found my bliss, finally :)

run, anj, run!

And save enough to get me and Mama on that plane to Spain.

Those two are the only resolutions I have for 2008. And that thing about surprising myself. Three.

Should be easy enough, huh?

engggggk!

I remember this line celebrities used to say on this MTV (or was it VH1?) show called The Diary of...

"You think you know, but you have no idea."

I guess that's just my thought on the whole thing. Tsk tsk.

****

IMHO, God should have made an 11th commandment:

"Thou shalt not assume nor expect too much."

At sabi ng Spice Girls, "Too much of something is bad enough."
Kaya tama na ang *****. Wahaha.

LSS

Heard this song on Gossip Girl, and I just got hooked.

Parang ang fitting pa for um, recent circumstances...hehe...

It's too late to apologize....or is it? :p

kalokohan lang.

It's that time of the month again that permits me to be the moodiest, grumpiest and bitchiest I am capable of being. Felt like being a rebel today so I did, moping around the house in all-black, grunting one-line answers in a please-stop-bugging-me tone. I just figured that if they're going to treat me like the teenager that I am not, fine, I'll give them teenager if that's what they want.

Too bad for the nice good kick my conscience is very nicely bending ala Beckham into my head, screaming, "That's not helping, stupid!" Oh well.

Got myself a brand new addicting habit, thanks to Dax. Every morning for the past three days, the first thing I do after getting out of bed is to head to the living room and lie underneath the Christmas tree, let my mind wander in the illusion of twinkling lights. I'm heading to the mountains in a couple of weeks and I can't wait to do it under a big-ass pine tree in the snow, see what happens.

Yun lang. Wala ako sa mood to make sense eh. I just wanted to distract myself from all the grating voices swimming in my head (shuuuuut uuuuuuup!).

wala pa ring masyadong sense. pero mas happy.

time to cut the crap, anj.

i've decided to quit being the mopey-dopey loser whiner that i've been the past few days and well, do a Sting again ang start a brand new day.

marie's spending the holidays here. that's something to look forward to. tahoe. definitely something to be excited about. a new job perhaps (ayoko pang i-finalize, baka ma-jinx, although medyo yun na nga...heehee)? definitely something to be happy about. getting fit, losing weight. yahu.

come on world, bring it on. bring. it.

walang sense.

I feel kind of, I don't know--as if I'm floating on air, hovering above everyone and everything on Earth, a silent witness to goings-on in the Universe. My mind is teeming (and yes, teeming is indeed the perfect word) with thoughts and ideas and rants and memories, and yet no strength accompanies them that they may be somehow immortalized into words or images or something else.

I have tons to write about, rant about, rejoice about. Tons. But I'm in this deep hole again where I do nothing but think, remember and maybe somehow, die (or live?) a little everyday with this internal whatnot (I don't even have the guts to call it struggle or battle--far too dramatic words for something that is absolutely, well--nothing). However, I dug deep into this hole all by myself, so I guess there's no one to blame but me. No rants, no complaints, no feelings, no nothing. No sense at all, even.

-_-



*******************************

Promises are meant to be broken. Never put your heart in them; When you hear no one but yourself, it's time to shut up; No solution will ever be good enough when you're the problem.

Lesson Learned.
Alicia Keys and John Mayer.
I like :)

enjoy: http://perezhilton.com/?p=8339

yun naman pala e...

"You want me to leave you alone?"

Mismo. Nadali mo. Thank God.

-_-

turn the clock to zero, honey.

It was almost noon when I woke up today, and man, did I have the greatest sleep ever in God knows how long.

I'm jobhunting, phone-buying, walking and looking forward to not just my birthday (which is this Saturday, by the way :p), but to Thanksgiving and a white Tahoe Christmas (and a visit from my favorite cousin in the whole wide world!)--and all other good things that come with this newfound perspective in life.

I thought I'd never see the day, hehe. But I'm glad it's here.

Carpe Diem, people!


*****


You can turn the clock to zero, honey
I'll sell the stock, we'll spend all the money
We're starting up a brand new day.

ho-hum...

Was still kinda down over today's, um, epiphany. Decided to make cream puffs to happy-fy me. Kinda did the trick.

Carved Pete the Pumpkin too.

Wacha think? :p

-_-

for all that's died within.

hehe.

this cues the need to get out of the house :p

Anna and I were watching The Holiday yesterday and we decided that going here was like a bad breakup:


You mope, although you hide it from other people by putting on a fake smile and pretending to "brush it off" just like that.

You play with your hair. Color it. Get bangs (which you'll later regret and sidesweep til they're a decent unnoticable length again).

You try to "sleep it off". It's not worth getting up until the sun comes down and everything is as dark and as gloomy as you feel.

You can't eat. Don't eat. Except for those many instances you decide chocolate bars and brownies (and ice cream and chips...) are the only things worth pigging out on.

You run. Start an exercise thing. Try to burn off all that junk you've been putting on your system.

You listen to sad songs. Sing along to them. Loud.

You decide after a while that it's time to shake it off, and move on.


Look what a day of Jude Law did to us -_-
Hahaha.



If you were falling, then I would catch you...
You need a light, I'd find a match...
Cuz I love the way you say good morning...
And you take me the way I am.

warms the insides like it should...

Thought I'd share my current song addiction.

Made me smile today--I guess that's a good sign, huh?