Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me...Ayoko pang Pumasok!

I am soooo dreading tomorrow. It's plain and simple--ayoko pang pumasok!!!

Damn, the Spurs lost. They could've swept the semis--sayang! I just hope Phoenix doesn't regain momentum since they'll be home for Game 4.

My relatives are arriving from the States tonight. I'm super excited--masaya na naman 'to. I guess it is kind of a factor why I don't want to go to school yet. Hay.

Matigas talaga ang ulo ng lolo ko. We just got home from the hospital where he was confined for 3 days, and look at what he's doing now...cooking adobo, for crying out loud! Sabi ko naman ako na eh, so he won't wear himself out. Grabe talaga minsan ang oldies noh, they're so hard to control. Minsan parang ang sarap itali nito sa TV chair niya eh!



It's hard to believe that this is practically the last day of my summer vacation. Oh my God. Bitin, sobra! I know I've been kinda complaining about the boredom and unproductivity. Kahit papano, I'm still looking forward to school--to seeing my old friends, picking at the new people, having classes at the new arki. But as of today I'm wishing to look forward to it for an extra couple of weeks. *hehe*

'Nay. I'm hearing loud thumps from downstairs--I better go check on my grandpa. Baka kung ano na ang ginagawa nun!

Ta-ta.

Irresponsibility

Funny, it was just a couple of days ago when I was talking about being responsible.

I woke up this morning and the first thought that popped into my head was, "Magpa-late reg na lang kaya ako?" I swear, it was the first thing that came to mind--which probably means I've put some serious thought on it.

It's my last semester in college *fingerscrossed* and I've only got 6 units left to finish. But I think I've screwed up a subject last sem *cougharch27cough*, and I might have to take the removals (I think it's supposed to be on reg day itself, but I'm thinking of just taking the slow removals). Heck, if worse comes to worst, I might have to retake the subject all together.

It's not like this never happened to me before. Trust me, it has, many times over. What's surprising is that, well, I don't really care.

I used to care about things like that--panic, even. Now I just don't get why I'm this way. Is it because I'm finally on the homestretch? Or because I'm just plain tired of stressing myself out?

It is pretty irresponsible of me, I know that. But for the life of me, I just can't seem to get into the right groove of things recently.

Oh well.

Responsibility

I was really looking forward to having lunch with my brother Luke tomorrow. Unfortunately, Daddy had to go to the hospital and I've got to look after him, so I cancelled. Too bad.

It's weird having moments like that. Just when you mapped everything out and got psyched about it, something goes wrong. But hey, a girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. I just have to make it up to Luke sometime. After all, daddy needs me more. At times like these it's not what you's rather do that counts--it's what you're supposed to do.

I've been getting these guilt pangs since early today. I woke up cranky (slept at 4am today-- I rushed my grandpa to the ER coz I thought he was having an attack) and was planning on pouring my crankiness out into polishing the floors (my newfound therapy). I got called downstairs because Daddy said he wanted to talk--he wasn't feeling well and was thinking of having himself confined for tests and such. It kinda got me irritated--his doctor was begging him to have himself admitted last night but he refused, and now he's telling me he fnally wanted to do it. So I was just nodding my yeses and mumbling my answers. I wasn't in the mood.

He probably sensed it. Then he said he didn't want to, but he had to do it. And he sort of apologized for all the things we had to put up with because of his health problems. He kinda pleaded that we bear with it for a little longer. And then he goes, "I feel like my days are numbered."--his exact words--like he always does when he's not feeling well.

I felt like crap. Guilty crap.

It wasn't a guilt trap--like when someone makes you feel so low purposely so that he/she gets what he/she wants. But if it was (which I don't think it is), I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

That image from today pops into my head from time to time, and I feel like I should do something to make up for the a-hole I was.

I should really snap out of this bratinella mode of mine and try to be nicer. Have a little more patience, a little more sympathy. It don't think it would kill me to do so.

God, I hope not.

So I'm starting right here, right now. I know their not gonna be able to read this, but I'm doing it anyway.

To LUKE, I'm sorry I wasn't a better ate. I promise to treat you to lunch and a trip to the theme park the next time I see you.

To DADDY, I'm sorry I sometimes act like an ungrateful b*tch. I love you, and that's never going to change.

God, I feel better already.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

The weather's been pretty un-summer-y these past couple of days. I kinda like it that it's not as hot, but it's also a little sad--summer's over. Well, almost.

It's especially bittersweet, this summer. I mean, it's the first summer in my entire stay in college that I didn't have to take summer classes (bummer, huh?) and it seemed to have passed faster than you can say, "Here I come, beach!" (that kinda sounded wrong ;p)

Oh well, one season's up. Three more seasons [of loneliness] to go. Wait...just one more lang pala. I forgot I lived in the tropics (hah, as if the sweltering sun isn't indication enough!).

Rainy days and fridays...

On Dreams and Dreamers

Sayang si Bo Bice. He rawked...but maybe a little too late. Cowgirl Carrie won. Mixed feelings actually--I really don't get country music, and Bo is my man, but I'm kinda happy na rin. Just this feeling I get when someone's dreams are coming true. Good for her. Good for all of them.

I watched the Contender final last night. Aha! Tama ako--Sergio won the fight. He was definitely right when he said that it's not about who's the better fighter sometimes. Sometimes it's decided on who wants it more. Yeah.

Parang gusto ko tuloy maging rock star. Actually, matagal ko na nga yata pangarap yun, haha. There's just something about singing and rocking out a guitar in front of tons of people. Tapos babatuhin ka nila ng boxers--yuck! Dun na lang ako sa singing and rocking. Hehe.

Parang si Constantine Maroulis--wahahaw! Asteeg yung Walk this Way niya kanina (Um, I was pretending not to hear Jessica Sierra and Nadia Turner singing along. Haha.) Hay, mahal ko na yata siya! ;p

I'm still dreading going back to school next week. Feeling ko unang tapak ko sa bagong arki, magre-removals ako sa Arch 27 eh. Wow, welcome to the real world.

Um, pwede managinip na lang ako?

Reality Bites, and I've Got the Bug

Watched the American Idol finals today. I must say, I've been rooting for Bo ever since Constantine got the boot, but it was a Carrie show tonight. I don't know...she just might win this thing.... Pero love ko pa rin si Constantine ;p I'm having lunch with my half-brother Luke on Sunday. He's my dad's kid from a relationship after he and my mom split up. I'm pretty excited--I haven't seen him in months. He's 10 now, and is a spitting image of my dad and the total guy version of my sister Anna. Sobra. Matalino din yon--mana kay Ate Anj. Nyak. Jeesh. Reg is only a week away. Sabi nga ni Simon Cowell, "How dreadful." Di ko pa yata feel makipag-hobnob sa mga tao. See, I've been going through this hermit phase lately and I kinda like it. Masarap magtago sa mga tao. *hehe* The Spurs won again today. It's 2-0 for them vs. Phoenix in the Western Finals. Crush ko yata si Tony Parker. It's hard to believe we're the same age, though. Crush ko din si Eva Longoria (Desperate Housewives)--she was watching the game. She so friggin' pretty! Wish ko lang ganun itsura ko pag 30 na ko. Kahit ngayon, ok lang sa'kin ;p Mamaya Contender finals. I love the show--I was lucky enough to catch it from the first episode til the recent. Sayang lang wala na si Alfonso Gomez--my favorite guy. That guy is a huge throbbing, walking heart. As in, kung may puso na tinubuan ng katawan, sya yun. I'm rooting for Sergio "The Latin Snake" Mora this time--nakakatuwa kasi siya. Super smart, tsaka malaki din ang puso. I guess with this post, it's pretty obvious what my whole summer has been all about. Yup, I've become a total reality show nut in a couple of months--American Idol, Amazing Race 7, The Apprentice, Survivor Palau, The Contender, Who Wants to Marry My Dad, America's Next Top Model, Playing it Straight...lahat! Minsan nga pati Extra Challenge pinapatulan ko eh. Hindi ko lang talaga kaya yung mga p*k*nsy*t na show sa ABS-CBN. Sorry sa mga kapamilya. Later...balik muna ko sa usual spot ko...sa harap ng TV. Wag sana mawalan ng cable. Mamamatay ako, I swear.

Today's Thoughts

Either I'm regressing this early or I'm just bored. I've been having this weird obsession over stuffed animals lately--I've even come to the point of giving all of them names. Not something a 22-year old should be doing. Then again, I'm probably not your normal 22-year old. There's just a little over a week before I go back to school. Not that I want to. Even with all the boredom and the doing nothing that my whole summer has been all about, I kinda like the thought of extending that unproductive streak. It wasn't something I completely liked nor felt good about, but I liked the sense of change that it brought my life. I sooo needed that. One thing that doesn't seem to change is the weather. I'm a summer girl, and I usually would take sunlight over rain any given day, but this is crazy! It's so sweltering hot that even when I'm holed up in my room with the AC unit running full blast, I still feel all gross and sticky. Eww. I'm watching Oprah and there's this girl recovering from her addiction of cutting herself. She's saying how she grew up in a religious family but she never felt religious because that was her parents' religion--it wasn't her own. And I'm nodding my head and going, "I sooo agree with that." Like the girl, I respect my family's beliefs but they also should learn to respect that my relationship with God is a personal one and one that no one else would undestand. Not that I'm a complete non-believer or anything--I like being Catholic but there's just this part of me that seeks to explore the beliefs that other people have. I don't think it makes me unloyal to my faith. I'm trying out for this contributor spot in Chalk Magazine, as recommended by a friend. I hope I get it. I think it's good for me since I've recently rediscovered my passion for writing (thanks to blogging) and I think it's a great way of putting it to good use. My relatives are arriving from the US next Tuesday. It's been 3 years since I last saw them and I'm pretty psyched. Now, if only I don't have to go back to school soon... My mom and her sister are finally in good terms again after no correspondence at all in over a year. I'm really happy for them. I can't imagine not having a good relationship with my sister Anna. She's my best friend and one of the few people who have truly been behind me in anything. I think that even when we eventually get on with our own lives as adults we'll still be as close as we are today.

me and annabanana

Dahil sa ka-OC-han...

As my blog-editing is going berserk, I'm re-publishing the entry I posted last Wednesday (I think).

My day started out a crappy one. After wearing myself out cleaning the house yesterday, I had a crap of a time trying to sleep last night only to be awaken by my neighbors' fighting at 7 in the morning.I was supposed to accompany my sister to the bank to get money for her tuition, but seeing that I seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed, she decided to leave me be in m y state of post-irritation stupor (if there is such a thing).

I wouldn't have gotten out of bed if it wasn't for the annoyingly loud zzzzcckkkt of our newly-installed buzzer. I was pissed that it wasn't the phone ringing--my travel agent still hasn't called me to update me about the case of my lost passport.

I descended the stairs, plopped down on my seat at the table and proceeded to half-heartedly pick on my lunch of rice and fried bangus. Seeing that I didn't have much of an appetite (which was as if the world was ending), my grandpa asked the help to get the tub of mango ice cream--an attempt to lift my spirits. Um, grandpa, it's mango. I don't do mango ice cream. Ugh.

My lolo probably sensed that I didn't buy into the whole "Magnolia Ice Cream makes it all okay" ad. So he offered my sister the ice cream. She distractedly nodded yes as she was reading the paper, and left the tub of ice cream open to melt.

I don't know what happened--if it was my O.C. instincts or just my inner bratinella that kicked in, but I got really pissed. "Ano ba? Kung gusto mo, kumuha ka na. Kung ayaw mo, pwede itago mo na?", I snapped at my sister.

My statement was met by shocked stares from both lolo and sister. They looked at me as if I'd grown a second head. To which, I retorted, "Masakit ang ulo ko. Init kasi e." And then I stomped to the bathroom and slammed the door.

I know, I know. It was wrong. It was rude. But it felt good (okay, does this make me evil or what?).I guess my family is so not accustomed to me being the brat. I was always the nice one, giving into their every whim. I was the one who got snapped at, not the one who did the snapping. That was me, the doormat.

We never talked about it after. Dinner came and we acted like nothing happened--talked about the weather, about food, etc. Maybe they were scared I'd go back into monster mode again.

Hey, sabi nga ni Joss Stone, I've got a right to be wrong...so leave me alone.

Ummm...Mr. Gates????

I "re-modeled" my blog for the first time today. I must say, I'm pretty ok with computers but this html thingy is pretty much giving me a hard time. Is it just me, or is it really hard doing this encoding stuff? It's probably just me. Boy, I think I would've had an easier time re-modeling a house! I'm getting so O.C. over this huge gap that's between the title and body of my previous post. It won't correct itself! Argh! For someone who likes new gadgets, I guess I'm still a bit of a techno-illiterate. God forbid I make a mess out of my soon-to-arrive mp3 player (yehey). Later.

My man, Yoda is!

A Star Wars Fan, I am

Ayoko na... I deleted the post that was here yesterday..I'm sick and tired of playing games with it. Para siyang yung NBA trophy--sobrang pa-hard to get! Basta eto yung gist: I watched Star Wars 3. I liked the second one better kahit mas astig fight scenes and acting dito. Hayden is sooo hot (yoohoo, man-boobs). Still my man, Yoda is. Gusto ko ng light saber na hot pink. My movie wishlist for next time: Madagascar (yehey, cartoons), House of Wax (I heart Chad Michael Murray), Batman Begins (hay, Christian Bale..), Chronicles of Narnia (mukhang ok), Harry Potter (Hermione is so freakin' gorgeous). Meron pang isa...I forgot. I would like to thank my local DVD supplier for furnishing me with copies of Sin City (nakaka-tibo si Jessica Alba.Syet.) and Coach Carter (na sure akong magugustuhan ni Randell). Tsaka yung box set na Star Wars (wahaw, lahat...). Yun lang.

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

My Stint as a Fairytale Character

I've been in a Cinderella state of mind for three days now. Three and a half, actually. You see, my Ninang's coming home from the US in two weeks and she's going to be staying with us for a month. So? Cleaning a 20 sq. m. room shouldn't be too hard, should it? Well...not when you've been using it as a makeshift basement/garage/storage room for 3 years now. Oh boy.

My sister and I started sorting out all the stuff and packing them into these XXL garbage bags (they came up to about a dozen, not including all the other stuff in boxes). It was virtually impossible to carry a dozen 200-lb. bags down a flight of stairs into the garage--but not if you've seen Home Alone. Yup, we took inspiration from Macaulay Culkin's sled ride down the stairs into the snow by piling the bags one by one onto our "sled"--a square meter piece of thick styrofoam and newspaper. Kicking the bags down to slide was a huge stress reliever (if only the windows didn't rattle too much once the bags hit the marble floor). It was sooo fun.

Next up was washing the walls and the window grills. Let me tell you--60's style super ornate grills should be forever outlawed. It took so freakin' long to get the dust off those tiny corners--I was seriously contemplating getting the water hose upstairs to just hose it all off (never mind the waterfall that would be cascading down the stairs).

After what seemed like a million years of window-washing, we finally got to the floors. See, these floors were of 40+ year-old Narra planks and you had to be careful not to wear them out too much. We swept, washed and mopped them until no trace of dust was visible.

I've never waxed floors in 7 years up until yesterday. Oh. My. God. My back felt like it was on fire after that chore. Then there was our ancient floor polisher which seemed like it had a mind of its own. It would have been easier to domesticate a bull than that bullcrap of a polisher. But I did it--I got the floors squeaky-clean and shinier than Michael Jordan's noggin.

Today, I was left home alone. I decided to start my day right--by polishing MY and MY SISTER'S rooms' floors. Talk about a workout! If I'd videotaped that and sold it on Tower Records as a workout CD, I would have been a millionaire by now.

I was so dead tired I didn't realize I forgot to have lunch until 2pm. It was the most delicious meal of corned beef I've ever tasted, and the best shower of my entire life. I honestly think I've lost a couple of pounds the past 3 days. See, you don't need a gym membership!

I now have a newfound method of therapy and workout combined. Hah, pilates my *ss!!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Sorry, Self-Centered Ako Eh.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

My Journey to Hell and Back

I went to the City Hall yesterday to get copies of birth certificates for me and my sister at the local "Census Serbilis Center". Oh. My. God. I knew our government system sucked, but I didn't know it sucked that much!

First of all, as an architecture student, it really insults me that some people think its ok, let alone humanly possible, to cram 200 people in a 5-meter by 5-meter poorly ventilated room. Second, I really don't get why they have the nerve to call it serBILIS center when it takes you practically the whole day (I was there at 8 AM and got out at almost 3 PM) to process your request--and you even have to go back the following day to claim your stuff!

It was the most inefficient system I've ever had the misfortune of having to go through in my life. You come there early expecting to get out faster than you can say birth certificate, because well, it is a serBILIS center--only to waste about 15-30 minutes of your life wondering what to do since they have nothing on the walls that spell out INSTRUCTIONS or PROCEDURE whatsoever. You literally have to rely on other people in line to tell you what to do. Once you figure out that you have to fill out the form first (which is kinda difficult to get since you have to get it from the guy on window 2, the same guy to whom people who have accomplished the forms give them for checking and stamping), you try to squeeze past people trying to fill out forms while standing up, or while talking to other people, or while blocking the line. Once you get a form and filled it up, you go back to the same line to have your form stamped, which would be a pretty fast task if people didn't keep on cutting in line (this middle aged hag had the nerve to raise her eyebrow at me when I pointed the back of the line to her and told her she had to fall in line!).

After the guy at window 2 makes you feel like an idiot for not knowing that it was your grandmother's maiden name you had to put instead of your mom's (sorry, no one told me!), you have to trek up (yes, up) the loooong driveway to the front of the city hall to pay 25 bucks apiece for your request (there's another loooong line again for that). Then you had to go back down to the census office again, this time to fall in line to pay for your actual forms. The line for that was longer than Pinocchio's nose had he told Shrek that he was a spitting image of Orlando Bloom. I had to stay at that line for 3 1/2 hours, not including lunch break, when they handed out number stubs to ensure that the people who were in line before lunch break get a "fair" treatment. Wow. Thanks a lot.

Then there were the people. The bunch I was in line with were pretty ok, but there will always be pasaways in every occasion. These people would cut line as if they would suddenly die if they didn't. I would have been more understanding had they been old, disabled or pregnant. But they were middle-aged and healthy, probably even better off than Arnie in his prime. And all of them just had the balls to snap and glare at people telling them to fall in line (yup, even the women).

So after "10 years" (as said by the nice middle-aged woman I was sitting with)--or so it seemed-- I finally paid 375 bucks for 3 copies and was told to return the following day at 3-5 pm to claim them.

I was early today. I was there 30 minutes early and debated wether I should just wait in front of the office or cool myself off at the nearby Chowking--I picked the latter. Big Mistake.

Although I was promptly there when they said I should be, I wasn't able to claim my forms until 4:30 pm (the woman giving out forms must have thought it funny to catch up on the latest gossip with officemates while 200+ people waited like pigs on a slaughterhouse outside). I should have known better than to trust the government's judgement.

So what's my point? Simple. If this was a sneak peek of what was really going on in the national picture, boy...WE'RE DOOMED, PEOPLE.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Ode to the 7 Deadly Sins

When my mind is free no melody can move me
When I'm feeling blue the guitars are coming through to soothe me
Day after day I'm more confused
I search for the light in the pouring rain
No match and game that I hate to lose
I'm feeling strange
I ain't ashamed...

I love this song. Everything I feel as of the moment, it just shouts loud and clear. Summer's for getting lost in rock n' roll--not for building stupid matchstick bridges that can't even stand a slight breeze.

I think I've been duped in this project. I mean, I already did it the first time, so there really is no point in doing it again. I wasn't even required to take the friggin' final exams, and "they" tell me I can't get out of this one. To hell, I can't. It sucks soooo bad...and it sucked me right in. Just my luck to have missed class on that fateful day when "they" signed me up. Freak it.

Save me from this prison
Don't help me get weak
'coz only you can save me now from this misery
I'll be lost in my own place and I'll get weary
And I know that I need to change my ways of living
How far is heaven?
Lord, can you tell me?

I was with a few friends yesterday, perusing a local mall, searching for light amidst an aimless summer existence. She called up a couple of guy friends (alarm bells) and sure enough, they came to the meeting place.

First of all, "set-ups" are never comfortable experiences. Even if the people in question are well, your type (which they weren't, i.e. I'm not a friggin' babysitter) or aren't but are really nice and funny (sige na nga, they were). Don't, okay. It's not nice (it's an attempt though), especially when you don't tell either party that they're being set up ('yon yun eh). God.

If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I would save every day like a treasure and then
I would spend them with you...

I miss my old girls (old=high school, not old=past or old=aged). I got a surprise text from Liv a couple of days ago. It's sad we had to rely on other people's blogs just to catch up. It's been a crazy couple of months, but it's no excuse for not knowing what's up with friends you've known since kindergarten. I'm guilty--forgive me, 7 deadly sins!

Back in high school, me, live, yel, sep, arlene, leah and chuk belonged to different groups. I don't really remember when we officially became a group. All I know is it was lunch supplied by a classmate's mom that brought us together (Cordon Bleu, haha). We decided to name ourselves the 7 deadly sins because everyone thought of us as the nice girls, but little did they know. I loved our group. It wasn't just a friendship--it was sisterhood, really.

College came and we had to part ways, but we vowed to keep in touch. Alas, daily lunch dates became weekly coffees, weekly coffees became monthly dinners, monthly dinners became twice-a-year gatherings (sometimes, not everybody was present, and there was just 7 of us!). It was inevitable I guess, 4 of us were in UP, one was in Katipunan and two were in faraway Taft.

After college (well, at least for them), we began seeing each other again, this time more often than we did in college. There were those "wala lang" meetings when you just happen to bump into each other in National Bookstore and decide to round each other up for coffee and chocolate cake (sorry, chuk). It was a relief that my prodigal sisters have come back from the dead!

Now everyone's working (haha, asa pa), Arlene's in another part of the world, Chuk's taking the exam. I swear, when her exam's over, I'm organizing some sort of a get together---movie, coffee, dinner, Galera, to a friggin' desert island, who cares. Maybe we can go visit Arlene wherever her boat is and see the controversial Italiano for closer scrutiny!

Salamat, Leni!

You're so right. Grabe, it's all so simple, and yet we all forget. I think you should be President so everyone remembers!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

"Baka magka-cancer ka n'yan!" :D

I'm currently reading Sun Tzu's Art of War. The book cover says it's a good guide to coping with everyday life and all the other crap that come your way.

It feels kinda weird to treat life as a huge battle. I always thought that in order to live life best, we should strive for calm, for order, for peace.

I heard somewhere that the ultimate goal of war is the attainment of peace. That makes it even more confusing for me. I mean, how can things be peaceful when they won't ever be the same again? War changes things and alters lives--and more often than not, for the worse.

I always hear the phrase order in chaos. How exactly is that exemplified in daily life?

Wala lang. Just thinking too much I guess.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Wishful Thinking

I never really thought about my family situation in a long time until today. Someone was asking for advice about her own life (which was weird, asking for help from me, of all people), and I got to thinking about my own. It was definitely a wake-up call, like I was in this stupor for a long time and someone just snapped their fingers in front of my face. I always prided myself in coming out good despite coming from a broken home. I saw how other kids dealt with their parents' separation and a lot of them were pretty self-destructive. I wasn't like that. Things were different, and I was ok. It's just now that I see how things were far from perfect like I thought they were. There are a lot of what if's and that kind of thing, even though it's kinda late for that. Still I wish I was a little bit older when my parents split--I would have been more devastated, but I know I would have understood it more. I wish they had talked to us kids about it, even at a young age, instead of pretending that things were ok. We would have understood it fine--we're smart kids. I wish there was more effort on my dad's part to reach out to us kids instead of remaining content in a strained, estranged relationship. I know, I know. Lot's of wishes wished too late. Wala lang. Everyone's entitled to wishful thinking naman diba?

What a Summer of Doing Nothing Can Do

It's been a good couple of weeks or so since I last "blogged-in", and during those couple of weeks, I had a good chance to just lean back and relax--pretty much do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. It was definitely a welcome change from my usually hectic and stressful everyday life.

It feels wonderful to have had the chance to do all the things I loved doing in the past--way before my life grew up and grew complicated. For the first time in years, I painted again, I wrote poetry again, I made crafts and other stuff again, I read books again. Though it seems pretty shallow, to me it was as if I lived again.

It's weird, but I realized how dead on the inside I was, living the same monotonous routine phase I called life. It was a sad realization, but an important one. It was definitely instrumental in my having a renewed belief in life. I have lots of hope now, and it feels good.

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My mom sent me a book via mail. At first, I thought it was an arki book, and I was really excited. When I received it, I was kinda disappointed to find out that it was one of those gift books--one of those inspirational things usually left to dust in the shelves of National Bookstore or some gift shop.

When I read it, though, I realized that it gave me so much more that what a nice, expensive coffee table book can give. Let's just say I saw a side in both myself and my mom that I never would have seen had the book not been given to me. For an instance, I saw more to what people always tell me--that I was so much like my mother. I used to think that similarity ended on looks and likes. Now I see that it's so much beyond that. It's hard to explain, but I'm really proud of that fact.

Here's something off that particular book that gave me so much. I share it with you that it may do the same for you:

I want to tell you that I believe in you;

I believe in your mind

and all the dreams, intelligence,

and determination within you.

You can accomplish anything.

You have so much open to you,

so please don't give up on what you want

from life

or from yourself.

Please don't put away the dreams inside you.

You have the power to make them real.

You have the power to make yourself

exactly what you want to be.

Believe in yourself the way I do,

and nothing will be beyond your reach.