Idiocy

It's been one day. Hardly, actually. It hasn't even been 24 hours yet. Just felt the need to write, though at the moment I'm pretty devoid of sensible ideas. Preparing for that darn history lecture half-fried my brain. I need a little dose of fun in my life. A little carefree. Tomorrow there's basketball, but today? What to do, what to do. I have a problem. A money one. Can't seem to stop spending when I don't even have anything to spend. Argh, it's killing me. Another thing that's killing me is you and the thought of not being in this together when I've looked forward to it for quite some time. Why couldn't you have been the one, the good one, the one who makes true to promises when you've been speaking about truly wanting it? You got too careless, too messed up. And I was just all too happy to watch you go through it. Damn you and damn me for being so. This is pretty hopeless. Nonesense, bullshit. I hate being like this.

Bumming around as usual

Haven't quite recovered from the exhausting week, so I went shopping with baby banana yesterday. My makeup bag "got lost" in Arki from last Friday's activities--with my 2 fave lip balms, my fave lotion, fave scent and my fave eyeshadow in it. Drats. It's just makeup, after all, but I'm bummed coz they were a gift from ninang. Oh well.

Had a dreadful removals exam today. Pretty sure I flunked. Take home quiz due next Tuesday, so I'm pretty free for the week. Watching the Thursday game with Leni and the Saturday game with Anna. I miss Jino. Can't wait to see him. Shit, I'm obsessed.

Finally fell for the Multiply thingy. Happy pics. Gotta get more from the photo people and the video people last 2 weeks. See my albums wanjeloo.multiply.com

Gotta do teh powerpoint for Sir O's Friday class. Hay. I'm so tamad.

Anyone up for a drink? Call me.

Later.

Whew!

Just got back from my Baguio trip working on that HTC project, doing as-built plans for Teacher's Camp. It was fun--would probably have been more fun if I wasn't so dead tired from the weeks's activities and work. It's funny practically having no class whatsoever the whole last week and yet exhausting myself with other things. That's so not hot. But as I always am after weathering a stormy week--I'm fine. Still am.

The boys didn't get a crown (it sucks that it went Asaphil's way, which is kind of a farce since they're all freaking fags and therefore shouldn't be qualified to join), but I'm so proud of them nonetheless. Grabe, they really poured all their hearts, their everything into it. I know it's a far shot you'll get to read this, but thanks Jon, Kim, JanMike and EdPat for everything. It really means a lot not just to me and Jika, but AF as well, I'm positive. Thanks Rigel for the phoenix thing (we won best costume!), Den, Maebs, Tseri, Agnes, Leni, Love, Kay for helping prep the "girls" and Jika for being the best partner in crime when it comes to Hiyas. Mwahs!!!

Stress is wreaking havoc on my health, I swear. If it wasn't for the nice break in Baguio (Pia, your house is the bomb!!!), my "girls" reaping Hiyas awards, lots of good food and Choco Flakes (which are so freaking expensive nowadays!), I'd probably be more baliw than I usually am.

Thanks Sir Mata for introducing me to the Mucho Mug (arghhhh), Mang Ray for being nice and giving us an occasional laugh trip, and Pat (Brian) for the ride home. Oh, and Anna for the nice testi.

Whew. Later.

SAN KA PA??!!

at nanalo sa hiyas ng arki 2005...

ay naging liyab at pyra...

si jon at kim...

dahil kay mommy anj at mommy jika...

Ngaragnarok Fever

Still awake. Actually, no--forcibly awake. It's 2 AM and I'm up and about, packing stuff for the Baguio trip tomorrow, charging my iPod, burning the CD for the Hiyas performance, and (duh) blogging. Haynako. Even I can't even give myself a break. Nice, huh?

I remember posting something about a month back about doubting whether I could keep up--or better yet, keep myself up-- for the ton of work coming my way. Well, that time is now and I'm barely making it. Barely breathing, as Duncan Shiek would say. It's Ngaragnarok time! as we in the HTC lab like to joke around. It's funny--if my boss can talk to angels, can't mine clue him in on how much he's stressing me out? Haha. Not funny.

So tomorrow, gotta wake up at 6, be in school by 9, final-edit the presentation, go to class, have the waivers notarized, dress-rehearse the guys, prep them for the pageant, wipe that smirk from that Asa-fag Jed's ugly face, and try to get a taste of normal life in between. Buti na lang Anna's coming to help me out with some stuff. I love my sister!

Later. If I'm still alive.

YEYO!

It was a fun week. Push aside the Images hoopla (MLV strikes again!) and today's crappy Arch 73 exam, it was a great one. Sabi nga ni Edpat, "Salamat sa masayang AF Week!" AF the Best! Tuesday. Sympo. Great talk, great speaker, free lunch. 'nuf said. Wednesday. Flexed my dart-throwing muscles in Asintahan. Got beaten to a pulp by Mang Jing (It's ok, he's a sweet old guy, he had fun, I had fun, we all did). Sarah's from noon to 6pm. Sudarshan the Martian's Sweet Shit Skate Park. Haha. Thursday. Meriendahan. Sir Nick lasing, the Badings, Drew, Bobby, A2 '99. Michelle Fabian!!! Beer. Cake. More beer. Late night talking shit. Haha. Friday. Fieldtrip to Taal. Early birdies, me and Leni. Slept through half the bus ride. Old houses, churches, lomi. Rolling around Picnic Grove. Schidz smacking himself. Royal Rumble with Pat, Sudar, Saku, Schidz, Agnes. Scared the apps a bit. Gin and Nagaraya. Target shooting at the bus. Great fun. AF ROCKS!!! Amen. Next week I'm doomed with a truckload of work I wont even start talking about. Monday Auction, Friday Hiyas and Party. Baguio with the HTC gang. Partay. Hallelujah. Later.

it always ends with a bangag picture!

jika wala na namang mata

after a million tries...

meriendahan

old boys

beeyootiful bratinellas

ser neek and the burniks :p

couples!!!

Economics

Good God, it's so hot. Sweltering the past few days. You'd think it's almost summer all over again. Got to school today after a harrased 5 AM wakeup text, attended the Zarate lecture (twas fun and he's so nice), didn't go to Arch 72 class (tho Nolido saw me), decided to pass on the early exam for Arch 73, got disappointed that Baguio's cancelled, excited again for Meriendahan and the Field Trip, played darts with Christian (I lost narrowly), got into a laugh trip coz of Sai (freakin' mofo's nuts!), went to Megamall with Sudie and the others, went home, ate dinner, ate manggang hilaw (yummmm...), smoked my brain dry like a pack of tinapa.

I hate being broke. I don't know if I'm just so bad with money, or I don't get enough allowance (tho I just got a raise), or prices are just too high in this freaking country--I seem to never run out of broke days as I seem to always run out of cash. Damn. I got a hundred dollars from my account the yesterday--fuck, I hate doing that. I needed to. And bad. Thank God Mama emailed today and said she's sending me cash and fast. I didn't wanna hassle her since she's probably busy catching up on work before she leaves for Manila. But thank God. I love my mom (and not just because she spoils me to death, there's so much more). Can't wait to see her.

Money's looking good since all the news today. Foomy and I might just strike it rich (exaggeration) with this project we have. Bing says we can charge a hundred grand. Holy cow. And the NCCA project just pushed thru, so I pretty much have a semi-steady job with steady monthly pay for the next year. Things are looking up.

I swear, as soon as I get paid, I'm saving up. Going cokd turkey. Just like rehab. Or a crash diet. Or whichever works better.

Blehh

Weekend Recap:

Saturday--Lamangan at Looban '05 (the best since '02 and second-best since '99!!!), Sarah's, Pho-Hoa with Anna, UAAP 1&2 creamed by NCAA 1&2 (yikee!), Dinner with ***** (hah), dead tired.

Sunday--Morning mass (after many months!), haircut, UP lost (boo!), FEU lost (yay!), McDonald's freaks strike again, "reviewed" for Arch 73 exam, worried shit about money and lots of other stuff...

Now it's Monday...and not just any other Monday. It's AF Week Monday!!! Yeyo!!!

Monday: Still worrid shit about lots of stuff. Gotta stop. Later.

Burn

If today was any indication how work will be like for the rest of the year, then I'm so fucking gonna die before I turn 23. Words can't even describe how absolutely exhausted I am. Imagine sitting in front of the PC from 9 AM to 8 PM? Good God, help me. If only I didn't desperately need to vent out and blog, you wouldn't catch me dead typing away on the keypad. Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy what I'm doing and I do like the people I work with. Lucky me, harhar. I'm just dead tired, that's all.

Tomorrow's another hectic rainy day. I have to be in school early to photocoy OHPs, make sure the presentation CDs are burned, check on the equipment reservation, study for a quiz, rehearse for the night's auditions, pay the bills. If I had time in between to take a leak, I'd be the luckiest girl on Earth. Thinking about it's enough to tire me out even more. Goodness.

I look forward to the weekend--even though I've got a huge test to cram for. It'll be welcome rest, as I hope next week will be, and the week after....

Then again, knowing how my life feeds on stress and crashing and burning, maybe not. Oh well.

Later.

Love in time of whapak

Just got home from Noel's where IB2I had rehearsals for Friday's audition. Bing and Foom were there (and Bogart too, of course), and as usual with your usual dose of San Mig Strong Ice comes your unusual dose of talk about, what else, love. For some reason, all our drinking sessions almost always ends up as if it came straight from a Joe D' Mango Love Notes thingy. Makes one wonder--are we in love with the idea of being in love? Damn.

I know a couple of people who are. And I've probably been at some points in my life. But it's a different thing when your conversations automatically veer into the direction of that topic, the L word. Especially when the people involved are there to give their two cents worth.

A friend and a friend. Hmm. For once, I'm not quite repulsed by the idea of the two of them together (unlike, say, a recent experience involving other friends). I'm kind of curiously excited by the idea. Who knows? We'll see.

As for me, I've gotten a little past that thing I said in my previous entry. And I've reconciled with another issue. So pretty much, I'm doing just fine. There's just this other thing concerning someone in particular that's got me worried. Still. God, I hope it works out just fine for um...that person. Oh well.

Friends

Just got home from school. It's been raining like hell the past week. I actually like the cold, I just wish it came with sunshine. Oh well. I guess this is not the right weather for a single girl out about town. Hah. Got this quiz tomorrow which I haven't really studied for. I tried to, but my mind just ain't functioning right with all that's whirling around inside it.

I'm glad Ton's been so nice about the AF sponsorship thingy--I hope Jon will be too. Ever sinc that pseudo-fiasco with Floor Center, I'm kinda relieved that things seem to be falling into place now.

Got news about an old "friend" from another friend. I don't really wanna discuss it though. It kinda makes me feel weird inside--like a little bothered and hurt. But as all friends must, I know I gotta get over this "weird feeling" and just be happy for that certain person. It's not gonna be easy, but I'm gonna do my best.

Ikaw naman. You worry me so. You're just starting out, man, you gotta start it right. I worry that you don't seem to know exactly where to go, and how to go about it. Worried you might be in trouble one of these days when things are just starting to look up. I'm here when you need me, you know that. All you gotta do is ask.

Very English. Nosebleed. Very Angsty.

Just came home from the game. We lost to friggin' FEU. Grrr. How I wish I could walk up to that Arwind Santos, give him that somethin' somethin' that he deserves and wipe that cocky smirk of his ugly face. He didn't even play that well. Hmph. Had dinner with Jay and Anna at Taco Bell. Wasn't very hungry though--probably lost my appetite on the shitty officiating by nincompoops calling themselves referees. Tried to make myself happy with endorphin-laden chocolate mousse from Cafe Adriatico. Didn't work , though. Oh well, that's that. I hope Ateneo fucking loses tomorrow.

Probably the only highlight of my day was Johnny Depp and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I don't remember the last time I cried so hard on a movie that's rated GP. I lost it 30 minutes into the movie, when Charlie's senile grandma said, "Nothing's impossible, Charlie." Boy, that line sent my tear ducts into overdrive. Great movie, I recommend it to everyone who's had enough of the freak show that we call government--it's a nice change form all the noise, the banter, the finger-pointing and whatnot. Maybe what everyone needs is a healthy dose of chocolate. Have a break, have a Kitkat. Or something like that.

UP FIGHT!!!

Comment of the day:
"Very English. Nosebleed."--Anna V.

Rainy days and Fridays

Hindi na naman ako pumasok sa Arch 72. Now there's a quiz on Tuesday. I've really got to get my act going, I don't wanna flunk the last subjects I have left. Promise talaga, after the UP-FEU game tomorrow (UP Fight!), I'm seriously going to study like hell.

I'm officially an SA for HTC now. That means a little more work. Ok lang, but it's too bad I won't be able to join the first huge project. I have an exam on the 20th, so I can't go to the Baguio trip...not unless they bump it again, which I doubt they will. Sayang money. Oh well, at least there's still AF Week and Arkiweek to look forward to. I just hope the Floor Center people come around and make up their friggin' minds about the sponsorship.

Hindi rin natuloy yung audition namin for Cravings this evening--Noel felt that we weren't ready yet kasi it was our first time to practice today. Buti na lang the people from Cravings agreed to push it to Thursday. At least we can polish up our set, as in perfect it. I really hope we get in--imagine, a regular gig on Fridays. Yeah.

Got rained on on my way home, had to wait for almost an hour in the taxi line. Buti na lang someone kept me company. Well, sort of. :p Kilig ako, hehe.

Oh, well, bed's calling me na. I'm waking up early tomorrow to get tix for the game, then Anna and I are watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (We HEART Johnny!) to pass the time till 4pm. Later.

Me, the Teacher (yeah, right!)

Today I tagged along with Sir O and Sir Mata to lecture on Architectural History and Identity in DLSU-Dasmarinas. I also got the chance to play teacher a bit. I must admit, I had fun going around, pointing out things to the "kids" and sharing a little bit of what I know. I could definitely see myself in that light, and I kinda like it. I've expressed my interest to Sir O about really getting into it someday. Not someday soon, though. Probably when I've done a Jess Lucas, i.e. landed a one-time, big-time gig and earned enough money to retire waaaay before I've turned 60. :P

Sir O says I have to get my MA first before I could be a lecturer. But he also said that I have the alternative of being a TA, a teaching assistant, even if I don't go into graduate studies. There's pay involved, a stipend, without the usual deductions plus I get a monthly book allowance (yeah!). I'm seriously thinking about it. I feel like I've got a natural inclination towards teaching. It doesn't mean it's going to be easy--I'd probably get into moments when I'll be asking what the hell I was thinking getting into it. BUt I'm feeling like I'd really enjoy it.

Well, who knows, right?

Anak ka naman ng tinapa, o!

It was, pretty much, a good day today. I left home early, had my usual Starbucks fix, then arrived in school just to find out my professor had to leave for a meeting. Hung out with AF people at the fishball stand, hung out with them at Noli's, then hung out some more at the fishball stand. Went to Boysen with Cheska and Leni to get sponsorships for AF Week (more like got lost!), drove through McDo for fries and a float, then went back to Arki to find out I've been appointed as Sir O and Sir Mata's student assistant (and that I need to do a powerpoint lecture before Friday. In fairness, there's pay involved). Hung out some more, attended the AF G.A., watched an indie with Jay and the gang. Got rained on on the way home, had adobo, pancit, cake and ice cream for dinner (it's my late Grandma's birthday), and now I'm plunked down in front of my PC trying to get a head start on the powerpoint thingy. It doesn't even matter that I have Arch 73 homework due tomorrow--I don't quite feel like doing it. Prob just read about it. Like I said, I had a pretty ok day. Except for one thing. Pikon na kung pikon, but I'm still blistering over some comment made by a supposed friend this afternoon. I don't know why she said it, it just kinda popped out of her stupid mouth. I mean, I'm pretty much used to being the brunt of digs sometime so I'm kind of annoyed by the fact that I'm still reeling over that particular jibe. "Ikakasal na kasi si _____, kaya brokenhearted si Anj." FUCK YOU. I guess I just wasn't feeling my good day at that time, plus there's this applicant that just annoys me to pieces. That joke (if it was one) probably was just done in bad taste, at a bad time, and by someone I'm not particularly fond of these days. Ikaw, how would you like it if all of a sudden I said, "Ikaw _____, kelan mo pa naisip ilaglag ang AF?" FUCK YOU. Badtrip lang, just as I'm just enjoying a good day with people I actually like, that comes out. Wow, thanks for ruining my day. In all fairness, the movie kind of made up for it. And there's enough work to keep me occupied. I also have a job now, might be going to Baguio for work soon, and I'm looking forward to Friday's auditions at Cravings. Badtrip lang talaga it had to come from her, of all people. Don't expect nice dinners at my house anytime soon.

Poema

I have no idea what was in my soy latte or what came over me at Starbucks a couple of days ago--I took out my pen, a piece of paper and my hands seemed to be possessed by some uncontrollable force to write. Or maybe it was my inner self aching to get out after a long hiatus. This isn't even about anyone in particular. It just came out, for reasons unknown to me. You fascinate me. White-gold amidst a sea of shiny ebony and amber. Blue, grey. Wood, stone and intoxicating art. Careful, the beverage you're about to enjoy is extremely hot. Brown sugar crunch. Long fingers caressing crisp pages. Huckleberry Finn. And his boys. You fascinate me without words. Speechless, nodding, no words. Lips pursed. Wallpaper-like. Intense silence. Focus Ray Charles soul and blues. Careful, the beverage you're about to enjoy is extremely hot. Remedy. Thank you for curing me of my insipid infatuation with love. You. Fascinate. Me.