Minsan 2

Minsan, may mga taong kahit ang tagal na ng panahong nakaraan, hindi pa rin makalimot. Maka-"get over", ika nga.

Minsan ang dali nating magsalita nang hindi iniisip kung ano ang sasabihin natin.

Minsan ang tao parang pan-commercial ng sabong panlaba. "Ako, ako, lagi na lang ako." Sana minsan ako naman, diba?

Minsan dinadaya tayo ng sarili nating pag-iisip na dinadaya tayo ng ibang tao--pero sa totoo lang, nauna ka namang mandaya. Ang daya, diba? Ang gulo pa.

Minsan masarap na mag-isa ka lang. O kaya dalawa kayo sa Oz, kumakain ng torta habang inilalabas ang inis sa mundong kay-daya. (Diba, Leni?)

Minsan kung ano-anong ka-weirdohan na lang ang nakikita mo sa telebisyon, para bang ikaw ang naka-drugs at ang weirdo. Pero sila pala talaga.

Minsan hindi mo mapigilan ang sarili mo.

Minsan magsusulat ka tungkol sa "wala lang" at hahayaang makita ng ibang tao sa internet.

Pagbigayan na...minsan lang naman e.

New Friends

I consider getting to know new people one of the perks of still being in school. Every year, there are new faces, new personalities that, whether we like it or not, come into our lives and somehow leave us enriched or with new things either to look forward to or to watch out for.

At 22, I don't consider myself too old to hang out with people a couple of years (or more) younger than I am. It is college after all--and in college, age is but a number. College taught me how to be able to catch up with the "young ones" and still be in tune with the "young once".

AF had it's freshie sportsfest for A2 this morning, and boy, was it fun. Imagine starting your day super early just to play kiddie games at the nearby basketball court, have lunch with friends afterwards, then end the day with a few bottles of ice-cold beer. Haaaayyy...

And if that wasn't good enough, I also made new friends today, most of them younger than I am. It was cool though--sometimes you learn more from the younger people than from the older, seemingly wiser ones. That's what I like about young people--they have fresher perspectives and are always so curious about the simplest things. The people I hung out with were like that, and they weren't intimidated by the fact that they're having a few drinks with people older than them at high noon. They were cool, and I'm glad I had the chance to hang out with them, even for just a few hours.

I look forward to more times like these.

The Getaway (hehe)

Looking Back

Ngayon lang yata ako nakapag-blog ng alas-4 ng umaga. Umalis na kasi kaninang 3:30 ang mga kamag-anak ko pabalik sa US. Malungkot na naman ang bahay, tahimik (sabagay, tahimik naman pala talaga pag madaling araw, diba?). Hindi na ako makatulog, kaya nakikinig na lang ako ng opera habang nanonood ng replay ng game 6 ng NBA (lintek na Spurs yan, oo!). There's something poetic about what I'm doing, I'd like to believe--pero sa totoo lang ginagawa ko lang 'to para di ako ma-praning at matakot sa pagkatahimik-tahimik na bahay na ito.

Alas-5 na at maliligo na ako mamayang 6. Pupunta kasi ako sa DFA para mag-renew ng passport (sa wakas) nang maipadala na ang mga requirements para sa aking VISA. Mabilis lang daw yun basta't naipadala na--siguro early next year sa US na ako magba-blog ng madaling araw. Excited ako--mas nangingibabaw na yun kesa sa lungkot at pag-aalala. Ewan ko ba, madami rin kasing nagbago sa loob ng nakaraang buwan. Ayoko na munang isipin.

Mamayang hapon pupunta ako sa arki, hihiram ng notes--tig-1 na ang absent ko sa 72 at 73. Nagkasakit din kasi ako, tapos nung gumaling na, parang tinamaan ng katamaran. Ngayon lang naman yon. Malaking factor din yung pag-alis ng mga kamag-anak ko--syempre, matagal ulit bago kami magkita-kita, kaya nilubos ko na ang natitira kong panahon kasama sila. Pero sabi ko nga, ngayon lang 'to. Mamaya, pagsikat ng araw, back to reality.

Naging makabuluhan naman ang nakaraan kong buwan, kahit medyo ma-drama at maraming issue. Nakita at nakasama ko na naman ang maraming taong malapit sa akin pero bihira kong makita; nagkaroon ulit ako ng pagkakataong maging bata instead of acting all adult-like and mature. Sabihin na lang natin na namulat ako sa katotohanan ukol sa maraming bagay--I've seen the light.

Nakakatawa na nakakaiyak. Pero mas nagingibabaw yung feeling ng pag-asa--sa ngayon at sa lahat ng maaaring mangyari sa hinaharap. Ang sarap.

Ang Sarap

Mas masaya ako ngayon--di hamak. Mas maganda ang gising, mas excited sa mga bagay na maaaring mangyari. Tahimik ang bahay, tatlo lang kami ng pinsan ko at kapatid, nanonood ng NBA. Kahit natatalo na ang paborito naming team, okey lang...pakiramdam ko pa rin ay para bang ako ay lumulutang sa kawalan--tahimik, malaya, walang kaproble-problema. Para akong isang presong lalaya matapos ang matagal na pagkakakulong. Aalis ako mamaya patungo sa ibang lugar--kung saan walang problema, walang isyu, walang masamang pwedeng masabi o mangyari. Hindi, hindi naman ako magpapakamatay--sa halip ay susubukin kong mabuhay. Hahanapin ko ang buhay na gusto ko, at ang buhay na para sa akin. Sandali lang naman ako mawawala--mga dalawa o tatlong araw lang. Ni hindi man lang mararamdaman ng iba na nawala ako kahit saglit. Pero siguro yun na ang dalawa o tatlong araw na magiging makahulugan sa buhay ko. Sa wakas, makakapag-isip ako nang walang nagdidikta, makakapagsalita nang walang kumokontra. Iniisip ko pa lang parang ang sarap na. Hay. Excited na ako. Matagal ko na ring ninais ang ganitong klase ng lakad, pero madalas na nahahadlangan--ng tao, ng ibang bagay na "mas mahalaga". Pero akala ko lang yon. Ngayon nagkakaroon na ako ng ideya kung ano talaga ang dapat na mahalaga para sa akin, kahit mula ito sa hindi magandang pagkakataon at sitwasyon. Pero nagpapasalamat pa rin ako na nagsisimula na akong mamulat.

Minsan

Matagal na din akong hindi nakapag-blog...na-miss ko tuloy. Sabi rin ni Leni, miss na niya ako, kaya naisip kong mag-update. Buti pa si Leni...totoong tao at kaibigang maaasahan. Naks. Minsan naiiisip ko, hindi kaya ako nasa loob ng isang pelikula o telenobela? Para kasing madami masyadong drama. Minsan para akong baliw, tawa-iyak depende sa sitwasyon--tatawa pag masalimuot ang buhay at iiyak habang ang iba'y nagpapakasaya. Minsan kung sino pa ang inaasahan mong kakalinga at tutulong sa iyo ang siya pang nais sumira ng buhay mo--siya na nagtatago sa likod ng maskarang mahina at kaawa-awa ang siya ring may tangan ng patalim upang isaksak sa likod mo. Minsan may mga taong nais kang makitang madapa at bumagsak sa putikan upang makita mo silang tulungan kang bumangon. O nais nga ba talaga nila? Minsan, paggising mo pa lang ay sasalubungin ka agad ng kasinungalingan at pasakit. Ni hindi ka pa naaalimpungatan ay nasa harapan mo na ang katakut-takot na problema--mga problemang hind man lang sa iyo, kundi sa ibang tao. Minsan akala ng iba, dahil sila'y nagbibigay, may karapatan silang humingi ng sobra-sobra. Minsan ang buhay mo'y hindi pala talagang sa iyo. Minsan ang sarili mo lang ang tunay na maaasahan mo. Minsan pinangungunahang punain ang mali sa iba upang mapagtakpan ang mali sa sarili. Minsan ang paniniwala at pananampalataya ay nauukol sa mali--sa tao, sa halip na sa Diyos; sa sarili, sa halip na sa nararapat. Minsan huli na ang lahat upang humingi pa ng tawad, pero hindi matanggap ng tunay na makasalanan ang katotohanang ito. Sana minsan, tumingin ka sa salamin nang makita mo... ...na minsan, sawang-sawa na ako.

SICK

I woke up sick today--physically and emotionally.

It's a wonder how a person can go from one emotion to another in just a moment, how you can be deliriously ecstatic now and tired-angry just a minute later.

I'm not going to whine and say how my life is crap, simply because it's not. In my 22 short years of living, I've learned that you don't always get what you give, that sometimes we don't have the pleasure of having all that we want take place all at once. I re-realized this today, when I was thinking how one part of my life seems to take too long to go right, just when everything else is finally falling into place. It felt like this whole cheeseball dramatic movie moment--me feeling sick to my stomach and having the pain creep into my heart. How very soap opera.

I was crying--that's how I've always dealt with pain--but snapped out of the B.S. as soon as someone said nothing was ever solved by tears. It does help you get off the pain for the moment like a pill, but once the numbness wears off , you feel twice as as much pain as you did. Sometmes we're better off facing the pain head-on, looking it in the eye and letting it know that you're not letting it take you and rip you into pieces.

Sometimes, it's not that easy.

The past few days have been crazy between me and my grandpa. There's just this strain in our relationship that won't go away, like an old injury that keeps on haunting you, leaving you tarnished for life.

He's just out of it--he's been extra controlling, extra hot-tempered, extra everything that's not nice these days. He just doesn't know how to listen. He's always right, and we're always wrong.
He used to ask for our opinions then rebutt it--now he acts like we don't even have any. Like we're just big blow-up dolls floating around him. His ego and self-absorption is just way out of hand. He's become selfish, and it's sad. And he blames everything on me--him misplacing his stuff, messing up his room, even him losing a pen, for crying out loud!. It's like he's a bull and I'm walking around the house with a target on my back.

I know I'm supposed to think that maybe it's not just him with the problem. Maybe I should take a long look in the mirror too and analyze if I'd done anything wrong. The thing is, it's not just me who's noticing--everybody in this entire household has, even the help.

He's not a total turd. He's still nice at times and even got his own doctor to check on me today.

It just puts us off how he acts like everything's always about him--him, him, HIM.

I, personally, am sick of it. Parang gusto ko tuloy bawiin yung post ko a few days back.

Countdown to Schooldays...

Everybody at home's sick. Well, everyone except me. I'm pretty sure the weird weather's behind all of it--stormy this moment, hot and humid the next. Wow, and it's only going to get better. I'm sarcastic.

I'm going back to school in a couple of days, so I'm making the most of today and tomorrow. My happy days are numbered!

I being lazing off my Martha Stewart ever since my relatives arrived. I haven't been cooking, cleaning and fixing up things for a while. I haven't even started on the flower seeds I bought a couple of weeks ago--I was thinking that it's just going to be useless since it's already raining and the water overload is just going to kill the plants (my sister's just going to say "Excuses,excuses!", haha).

Well, it's just 11am and I've still got a whole day to go. We're going to the Baywalk later to catch the sunset, then maybe to Star City afterwards. Time to relive my childhood, haha!

Ano ba 'tong araw na 'to???

I finally took the dreaded removal exam today. I don't think I did good. Oh well. It rained so hard last night I even dreamt about my house getting flooded up to the second floor. Sheesh. Summer really is over, huh? Bummer. PAG-ASA has just declared it officially rainy season. Double bummer. I just hope the heavens will be nice enough to give me a bit of sunshine when I go to the beach on Independence Day weekend. Sayang naman ang aking happy polka-dot tankini. Breaking news: Ikakasal na daw si Kris Aquino and James Yap next year. Um...gross. Pasensya na sa mga nagbabasa na walang nakukuhang makabuluhan sa post ko today. Bored lang talaga ako at walang magawa. Bow.

Today was Pretty OK

Today wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Actually, there wasn't really anything bad about it. And though I've said over and over what a bummer it is that my vacation's over, I was kind of excited to be back in school--surprisingly.

I still have to take that removals exam on Friday. I still haven't reviwed. OK, so my day wasn't completely a treat. But it's ok--I had fairly good grades last sem, definitely better than I expected. So I feel pretty good about it. Not even Arch 27 can dampen my spirits.

Ninang got me the American Idol 4 CDs. Nakaka-addict! I've been listening to it non-stop. They all sound really good. To think that they were virtually nobodys just a few months ago. Pretty impressive.

We're going to the beach on Independence Day weekend--I can't wait! My summer may be over, but it doesn't mean I'm over being the complete beach freak that I am. I've really got to learn how to swim--otherwise, how can I learn how to surf? And rowing? I see what seems to be a rowing club in Manila Bay every Sunday when I jog at the Baywalk. They let non-rowers practice with them--pretty cool, huh? I think it's great workout. Running can be pretty monotonous, after all. And soccer season's over due to the bad weather. I think it's time for me to get into a new sport.

I'm designing and customizing iPod covers now. For family and friends, mostly. I do it for free, but I think it's a great idea for a little moneymaking scheme. Consider this my ad. Haha.

To sum up my day, I learned to look at the good, promising side of things and get over my blahs.

Oh, and I also learned how important it is to drink lots of water--the hard way.