'cos you had a bad day...

Yeah. That probably explains why I've been feeling the way I'm feeling the past few days. It's all over now, thank God.

Today's a good day. Bonded with my mom over breakfast, hung out with her at work a little bit later. Walked around the town with Anna (like we used to). Talked to Ninang and Marie (and DUBIN!) over the phone. Watched PRIME...hayyyyy. *sheepish laugh*

I still miss home. Napa hasn't quite cut it as home for me. Besides, Daddy's still in Manila, my friends are all in UP (and around). I'm coping well, but I know it's gonna take me a while. Heck, my sister still gets "homesick tears" sometimes. *sheesh*

But I'm glad to be with my mom and my sisters. And that should matter most right now.

I'm going to Marine World on Wednesday. Maybe the roller coasters could help take my mind off home, at least for a while.

:)

fix me, please

This song's been playing in my head the past couple of weeks. Fitting, with how things seemed to be the past couple of days--including me. All sad, confused...broken, even. It also happens to be the OST for this new movie, World Trade Center. I woke up thinking about it. I saw Ground Zero in New York. I felt this sadness about it. I remember it gave me chills. I hope something like that never happens again.

Fix You
Coldplay

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I..
Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

as all good things must...

Alas, my Midwest adventures have come to an end.

I'm flying back to sweltering California in a few hours. I will definitely miss hanging out and goofing around with my cousin Marie, my Ninang's good cooking and funny stories from her teenage years, heck, even Tito Pappy's ka-kulitan :p *sigh*

But I chose to not extend my stay here and go back, and in a way, I'm happy I did. I missed my mom, and I was feeling this extreme urgency to bond with her in the time I'm here. I never really had that growing up and with new additions to our family, I fear that I would have even less time with her than I already have.

All good things must come to an end. This is definitely one of those. And though it saddens me a little, I'm so thankful for everything--and I mean EVERYTHING--I've seen, heard, felt, etc. during my trip. In a way, I feel like I've been given access to things not everyone has the means to see and do. And in a way, I do feel like things are starting to look up.

getting better...

Just remembered this old Phillip's jingle:

You have to admit it's getting better...
Getting better all the time...

That's precisely how I'm feeling at this moment. I went to bed last night a tad pissed off over something trivial, and practically tossed and turned for hours just thinking about a lot of things, and I mean a lot.

I woke up to a rainy Friday morning feeling okay. Then I logged on and had a nice long chat with a couple of good friends. That really perked up my day. To think I could've been bored out of my wits doing absolutely nothing today. Thank God I wasn't. Thank God for wonderful friends.

My stay here in Cincy's coming to an end. Every day I wake up it feels like someone's counting down 3..2..1.. inside my head. Kinda makes me sad, but...what can I do?

I'm just glad for the company of really good, really generous people and beautiful surroundings. :)

one divided by three equals one

Of all the emotions a human being can feel in its lifetime, the one I dread feeling the most is this: the helpless feeling that comes with being trapped in the middle of two (sometimes many) opposing sides.

Ang hirap, sobra.

I've long accepted the fact that you can never please everyone. Or that sometimes what you want has to take the backseat just to make things easier for everyone. Still, that bridge of acceptance which you've been crossing time and time again just seems less inviting and more menacing each time you pass it by.

Hayyy...

When you know that there's just one of you going around--just one--wouldn't that make you feel really special? It should, right? Yet, all I feel is the frustration that comes with being just one. Because truth is, I wish there were more of me to get around, so that I don't have to deal with this feeling not only of being pulled in a million different directions, but with wanting to go a million different directions too.

Dito. Doon. Sa isa pang lokasyon. Gusto ko sa lahat. Pero kahit saan ako abutin ng paa ko, sana maintindihan niyo...

Believe me, if I could, I definitely would. But I can't, and it's killing me.

post-sickness senti mode

So much better now...

Two days of venting (both written and said) and crying our my eyes out (about nothing at all) actually did me good--I feel so much better now, except for the occasional remainder coughs and sniffles. Of course, the text messages I received from Leni, Sir O and Daddy helped a lot. :)

I've been missing my mom lately. And it doesn't help being sick and not having your mom there. It does seem kinda weird for someone who's basically lived a huge part of my life with my mom thousands of miles away, huh? I don't know...maybe it's just now that I'm making up for time when I could have been a sick kid pining for her mom, but I wasn't. Or couldn't. Doesn't make sense? Yeah, well...

And the mother-daugter drama last night didn't help either. Hayyy...sometimes, I wish she would treat her folks a bit nicer, and be a lot more appreciative. Although I could understand. She's young, going through her rebellious years. She'll come around in a couple of years or so. I hope. I don't know, it just makes me a little sad to see them that way, because God knows I would kill to have the chance to turn back time and be able to spend my teenage years with my mom. Oh, well....

Just glad that I'm back on my feet again. :)



P.S.
Finally, FINALLY!!! The drama (i.e. my sister's love crap) is finally over. Hooray for that! Good riddance, Monster! *blehhhh*

wallowing

Just got back from New York. Amazing 5 days--going places, seeing the sights, pigging out, catching up with family and friends. *hay*...I would give anything to be back there, like, right now. Yeah, despite the fact that we were sooo nearby when that building blew up and our hotel nearly went down in flames. I know...crazy New York. Still, I love it.

Got a short but sweet message from Cheska. Yep, I am having fun, but I still miss you guys. I could only imagine the catching up I'm going to have to do when I get home, which I don't even know when.

Also read Leni's latest post with that test thingy. I just started missing our Starbucks sessions, our tambays and overnights, our Sarah's with Foomy and Noel, and our new friends. I miss my best pal.

I miss work. I sometimes feel so...I don't know...blah, I guess. It feels weird to not have my own money (even though my salary's not that great, hehe). In my fantasy world, I would still be earning while I'm enjoying everything I'm experiencing right now. I know, I know....asa pa. It's not called fantasy for nothing, you know.

*sigh* Gotta get out of my senti-homesick mode. I'm gonna go cook now---my therapy. :)

WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's 11:35 pm here in Cincinnati, and we'll be leaving for New York in a few minutes.....

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Day 1 in Cincy

Anna and I arrived in Cincinnati,OH today. We're staying with my Ninang Lalou and her family in a cute little old white house in the suburbs. It's a nice place, seems like there's a lot of history here--you can tell, with the Victorian/Georgian/Colonial houses. It's so nice.

You could. But you're not, so...

Woke up to Fleetwood Mac music playing on my folk's PC. It's gonna be a good day, I can tell :)


Silver Springs
Fleetwood Mac

You could be my silver springs
Blue green colors flashin'
I would be your only dream
Your shining autumn, ocean crashing

And did you say she was pretty?
And did you say that she loves you?
Baby, I don't wanna know...

I'll begin not to love you
Turn around, see me runnin'
I'll say I loved you years ago
Tell myself you never loved me, no

And did you say she was pretty?
And did you say that she loves you?
Baby, I don't wanna know...

And can you tell me was it worth it?
Really, I don't wanna know...

Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me

Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me
I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me
I'll follow you down til' the sound of my voice will haunt you
Was I such a fool?
You'll never get away from the sound of the woman that loves you

You could be my silver springs
My blue green colors flashin'...



2 days away from my Cincy trip. And a few more days till New York, New York...:)

Aba, aba--matinong update! :p

Just came back from a winery tour with Anna, my high school pal Jen and her boyfriend Rolly--basically an afternoon of pigging out (spicy grilled prawns, yum!), getting a little tipsy (V. Sattui 2004 Johannesburg Riesling the best!) and taking in all the awesome scenery that Wine Country has to offer *sigh*.

It felt great to catch up with old friends (haven't seen Jen in years, man)--and *ahem* the new people in their lives, of course. But somehow it just made me miss all my other friends more *hay*.

I'm having tons and tons of fun, and still...I wish my whole world was here with me.