dead tired. yet revived.

Education, while fun and worthwhile, can also be sooooo tiring. I was awake before 7am today, and went on my way to the National Museum (and may I just say that it's been probably over a decade since I last went there) to help Gerard curate the materials for the Building Modernity exhibit, the one that's just exactly a week from today.

I had fun looking at all the exhibit materials, poring over texts and artifacts, being part of the general planning process. So much fun, in fact, that it got me contemplating about taking up Art History or Art Studies--for a master's degree or a second degree altogether, I have not yet decided. Nevertheless, it has definitely entered my mind. It seems fun to work in a museum, contrary to a lot of people's ideas of such as dark, dusty, stuffy places. Well, it is kind of dark, and kind of stuffy, and definitely very dusty (ha...chew!), but the idea of coming to work everyday and being welcomed by art and artifacts that not everyone is lucky enough to see and study (like the roomful of artifacts from the St. Louis Exposition of 1904 that was just recently returned to its rightful home after more than a century, wow) is just all too appealing to me.

And to think that just last night, I was whining and moping around over what a boring routine my life has become. Now that I think about it, I may just have found my "light" amidst the dark, dusty, stuffy recesses of a museum.

From Oz to the E.R.:10 Things I Learned from the Journey to Hell and Back

Before anyone reacts, "Uh-oh, Anj has lost her mind!" (although I must say, I would gladly agree), let me clarify a few things. First, Oz as in Oz cafe at the Bahay ng Alumni. Second, ER as in emergency room where I rushed my lolo (not myself) just a couple of hours ago--not to worry, it was just a panic attack. And third, contrary to what the title may insinuate, this is not a Griffin and Sabine-esque recount of otherworldy travels and eerie experiences. This is just me recounting a few snippets of knowledge that by some weird force latched onto my brain despite traveling in zombie mode from UP to the hospital and finally, home:

1. Expect weird choices from weird people. I love *toot* to death, but I just can't help but react rather vehemently to a recent confession of hers. Oh well. To each her own. (Pero di pa rin yata ako over...)

2. The manner by which one is addressed is not a reflection of the addresee, but rather the addresser. While I was collecting fieldtrip payments at the office, some kid from Arch 18 (markado ka na, 'neng!) addressed me as "Ate". Not ate like a big sister, nor ate like Ate Vi, Pinoy Idol. More like "Ate___, kolektor ng jueteng." Or "Ate___, tindera ng banana cue." Needless to say, I was kind of p.o.'d. I did not wake up 2 hours earlier than usual to put on makeup and choose a cute outfit just to be called Ate, ok?! But then I realized something--those who choose to call others by informal addresses like ate, kuya or manong...tend to look like ate's, kuya's and manong's. And those who use words like miss, ma'am or sir--they do actually look like misses and ma'ams and sirs themselves. hahaha.

3. While some guys (as mentioned two posts before) can be so barat when it comes to effort in making ligaw, some men (notice the emphasis) can go great lengths just for a chance to make their special girl's heart beat a little faster. Say, for example, lugging around a venti Mocha Frappucino in the LRT ride from Katipunan to Sta. Mesa just so some lucky girl can have a Starbucks break from studying. All together now....AWWWW!

4. Some people are just looking to get hurt...over and over and over and over again. Tsk-tsk.

5. Emotional pain lasts only 12 seconds. Anything more is self-inflicted. I don't know who the psychology genius who came up with this conclusion is, but he (or she) as sure is right as hell. Actually, this was forwarded to me by a good friend named Leni (naks special siopao pa si Empress Chin-chan-su!), who in actuality, is also a very reliable source of philosophical insights and rational theories.

6.You can't have cake and eat it too...literally. A slice of decadent chocolate cake may be a trade-off for disappointing news regarding your super-duper crush (yup, the one that gets your panties in a twist). A chunk of yummy cheesecake can mean spending a couple of hours in ER. See? Nothing comes free of charge nowadays. However...

7. While God may not allow you the whole sundae, He's nice enough to give you the cherry on top. Going home from the hospital is never an easy task when you still have to go out yourself just to flag a cab...untill you hear someone calling your name and realize it's coming from a red Vios that's about to take poor, exhausted little you comfortably home. Thanks, Maan!

8. There's no perfect time for sexytime than in a busful of people en route to some provincial town. Strangers making the most of the dark, hehe. While it may not be as, um, sexy a scenario as your green minds are probably processing right now (I can sense your imaginative gears going into overdrive!), it definitely is kilig, even coming from the unlikeliest of couples.

9. Opposites do attract. Someone asked me earlier why we (her and I) are just magnets for both not-so-hot guys and hot guys with not-so-hot girls. My answer? Because opposites attract--kasi we're hot...and into hotties. Lakas ng fighting spirit!

10. LOVE IS INDEED IN THE AIR...and it's bringing sexyback! Ang pinaka-usong pasttime these days--ang kiligin sa mga kwentong YM, kwentong text at kwentong Mocha Frap. Yiiiii....

LSS.

Watched Dreamgirls (awesome, I swear) today and just fell in love with this song. Super-relateable, especially for someone who's kind of in an emotional rollercoaster all the time.

Listen To the song here in my heart

A melody I start but can't complete

Listen To the sound from deep within

It's only beginning to find release

Oh the time has come

For my dreams to be heard

They will not be pushed aside and turned

Into your own all 'cause you won't listen

Listen

I am alone at a crossroads

I'm not at home in my own home

And I've tried and tried to say what's on my mind

You should have known

Oh now I'm done believing you

You don't know what I'm feeling

I'm more than what you made of me

I followed the voice you gave to me

But now I've got to find my own

You should have listened

There is someone here inside

Someone I thought had died so long ago

Oh I'm screaming out

And my dreams will be heard

They will not be pushed aside or worse

bent to your own all 'cause you won't listen

I don't know where I belong

But I'll be moving on

If you don't

If you won't

Listen To the song here in my heart

A melody I start and I will complete

Oh now I'm done believing you

You don't know what I'm feeling

I'm more than what you made of me

I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I've got to find my own

My own...

10 things i realized over a slice of devil's food cake.

Over dinner with Leni at Chocolate Kiss, we got to our usual shrink-y habits of psychoanalyzing not just ourselves but other people as well. Here are just a few realizations made over a super sinful slice of Devil's Food Cake:

1. Personality is the new pogi. Not-so-physically-attractive people with the right amount of confidence, sense of humor, wit, and know-how is almost as good as a good-looking person of the same substance. Sabi nga nila, personality pa lang, ulam na!

2. Thinking too highly about oneself can be such a turnoff. A fine line separates self-confidence and over-confidence--to breach that tiny gap is a huge mistake.

3. One cannot expect a good outcome of things if one did not exert the slightest amount of effort. Ang mga taong ganon ay walang pinagkaiba kay Juan Tamad na ine-expect ang alimango to go home by itself. Sige kayo, the alimango just might go home to a different house :p

4. Ma-praning sa lasing. Even the most trustworthy people can exhibit doubtful tendencies when drunk. Yaiii...

5. There's definitely truth to the "blessing in disguise" mantra. When things don't go the way everyone expects them to, there are definitely good reasons behind it. Good friends, great memories, stronger bonds and deeper knowledge are but some.

6. Some people are destined to remain platonic, despite being in the right place, at the right time and within the perfect situations. Minsan, hindi talaga kayang pilitin. Kaya wag nang pilitin. hehe.

7. Pretty cannot suffice for depth (or lack thereof). And personality for that matter. Aanhin ang ganda kung papatay-patay ka naman?

8. Minsan mas mukhang achievable pa ang world peace kesa sa lovelife. Lalo na para kay *toot*.

10. Ang cute tingnan ng lalaking nagpipigil ng kilig. hahaha.

p.o.'d over mind games

I don't like playing mind games. Magulo pa yun e, not to mention a total waste of time and energy. If you need to say something, wala nang paligoy-ligoy pa--say it outright. No more building up suspense or tension or drama in the hope of swaying my decisions. No more asking vague questions that are obviously leading. Wala nang ganun, kasi I've wasted so much time and energy in the past over things like that, and I regret being that gullible and falling for the lies and the stories. To sum things up, ayoko na. I'm fed up. As in. So please lang.

[you] raise me up.

I need a raise. Lately, I've been evaluating work (and there's lots of it) and I just can't help but feel what many working people feel--that they're (we're) overworked and underpaid.

Before, it wasn't a money issue--I like work, I like the work I do, I like the people I work with. That used to be enough. But when you start needing to take Stresstabs and getting prescripted anti-stress antibiotics, I think you definitely should stop and start thinking about things, especially in the financial aspect.

I originally signed on for one job. Now I'm doing, I don't know--five? And the pay, like I always say, isn't so great. And now that times are hard and a thousand pesos is but barya, pay is anything but magnificent, let alone sufficient. And thinking about that led me to the conclusion (something everybody else was aware of) that I need a raise.

Thing is, I don't exactly know how to go about asking for one. I've never been a good conversationalist when it came to money matters. But God knows there's no better time than now to do it. And I should, rather than waste more energy and sleepless nights thinking about what to do.

Yuck, I'm beggining to sound like a real adult. Oh, wait--I am a real adult! Maybe that's why I'm starting to think about things like this. Oh well.

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide

No escape from reality...

--Bohemian Rhapsody, Queen

whatnot.

Went with Daddy to the doctor today for some updates and check ups. It's good to know he's getting better (I mean, a bout with pneumonia at his age and condition is no laughing matter). Went back to work today but did no work, really, because of the ACLE/student assembly. Just hung out with friends, ate at the fishball stand, had a few laughs. A very simple day, but a fulfilling one nonetheless.

I guess I'll be going back to work full blast tomorrow (hello, new LCD monitor!). The 3-day leave I was so not looking forward to (ironic, isn't it?) actually proved to be a nice little breather--a much needed one, after the stressful past weeks. But tomorrow, back to work--to phone calls and fax memos, to presentations and plans.

Funny little mix-up with "wiii" (hi, ninang!). Ninang actually thought I bout a Wii gaming console, haha. I wish! Nope, but my new toy (a widescreen laptop) is just as good. It feels good to see your hardwork come to fruition--all that saving up and scrimping. Masarap pala talaga ang feeling. :)

Planning to go to that much-hyped floating bookstore on Saturday with the girls. I've actually been spending time browsing through booksales, and nice enough, I've been able to get hold of a couple of interesting titles for almost just 50-90% off the price (wow!). Too bad things have been kinda hectic, and I haven't really had the time to sit down and go through a single book. But I will find time, I promise. Tama si Agnes eh, it's our constant quest for new stories that drive us to just take the time to just sit down and read. And I will do just that one of these days.

It's Liv's birthday on the 27th, but I'm sure she feels like anything but celebrating with what's happened. Nevertheless, I still wish her a happy 25th. Happy birthday, Liv--you know I can't give you a greater gift than that of my friendship. Mwah!

It's Jay's birthday tomorrow, he'll be 20. He says he's dreading leaving behind his last year as a teen, but I'm sure he'll find the extra liberty of being an adult really refreshing. Happy birthday, Jay-taba! Drink and be merry! :)

idle 2.

New toy. Wiiii. Medyo matagal-tagal ding pinag-ipunan, pinagt-trabahuhan, etc. I know I said I wasn't gonna spend any money this first quarter, but I just couldn't resist. Besides, it was a practical buy.

I know--excuses, excuses. hahaha

idle 1.

I took a 3-day leave from work. Today's my last day. It's been hectic, this past few days, going in and out of the hospital, running errands, monitoring my grandpa's condition, doing this, doing that. I figured I needed to take the time off not just to do these things but to reconnect with home as well. I've been shunning away from the idea of home these past few months that I almost forgot the general rule of dealing with things--face your fears. Now that I have, I can't help but feel like I have a better understanding and tolerance of things, whether they be things that I liked or not. That's a good way to start the year, right?

*fingers crossed*

Siksik, liglig at umaapaw. The perfect adjectives to describe my schedule for this week. It's only Monday, yet I feel like doing a TGIF and just plain collapsing onto my bed. Funny how I get so caught up in things--it was only today that I realized that I was working on practically 6 (yes, count 'em) simultaneous projects. Superwoman, ikaw ba yan? Nope. More like Zsa Zsa Zaturnah. Haha.

Too bad. Looks like that article for a magazine isn't gonna be able to even wriggle it's way into my jampacked schedule. So I decided to pass it off to a friend who I think will do a tremendous job on it. Pero the people at Transit have another thing in mind na naman. They're doing a column on unique jobs, and they think what I'm doing is (according to them) "very interesting". I don't know about interesting. Stressful is more like it. Hectic, pwede pa. Haha. But I'm kinda flattered, I must say.

On a slightly sadder note, my lolo's at the hospital yet again. Nasobrahan yata sa holiday ek-ek (at sa fruit salad, I'm sure), kaya he got pneumonia. Nakaka-praning. Ngayon pa lang, I'm already dreading whatever old age will hand me. Ayoko maging parang si lolo, lahat na yata ng sakit meron. So I quit smoking (well, for the meantime). I haven't had a smoke since Friday last week. Ayoko na rin muna yatang uminom. I mean, I'm not such a heavy drinker (asa pa sa hina ng tolerance ko no), but I feel like I need a little break from my buddy [San] Mig after our little bonding moments last December. Plus, I'm reading this new book called French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano. I saw it on Oprah and it looked fun, not like your average food-and-nutrition-self-help-reading. In fact, there's more recipes than diet tips. If that's not a good thing then I don't know what it is.

But...if there's one thing I would like to splurge on these days, it's definitely reading material. It's been a while since I've spent my time devouring one book after the other (last time was about 3 or so months ago, back in the US pa). And there's just so many wonderful new titles at Powerbooks and Fully Booked. However, ayoko muna yatang gastusin ang sweldo ko. It's the start of the year, and I definitely wanna spend the first quarter man lang with a lot of moolah. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed...and my wallet shut tight. Haha.

It's Foomy's birthday today (Happy Birthday, Poypoy!). 25 na siya. Which means in a few months, I too will reach my quarter-century mark. Mama's celebrating a milestone this year too--she'll be 50 in May. Gosh. 25, 50. I know they're just numbers, but can you blame me if I feel old all of a sudden? Nyiii.

Sana matuloy ang Ilocos shoot this weekend. God knows we desperately need to finish that part of work. Not to mention the free side trip/side-vacation to the shores of the North. It's been about 3 years (yata) since I last went up North, and it has always been full of fond memories for me. I'm part Ilocano, you know. Again...*fingers crossed*.

Swerte ako to have this kind of energy at the start of the year. I know I'm just kinda prepping up for what's to come, and it's kind of comforting to know that I'm ready for it. Bring it on!, ika nga. Sana forever na 'to. May I never have another blah moment this year.

ask and you shall receive.

"I miss work. I miss UP. I miss my friends."
--December 22, 2006


Wah. Ambait ni Lord. Tiba-tiba sa pagtupad ng aking munting hiling. Sabi nga nila, "Ask and you shall receive." And I did, big time. Heehee.

Today was my first day back at work after the Holiday break. Grabe, my first hour at the office, I booked four meetings for tomorrow and next week, not to mention three major assignments. And a powerpoint presentation for the class due 10am tomorrow. REMIX!!!

I shouldn't complain. Masaya naman ako that work's keeping me occupied, liquefying my coagulated creative juices. And let's not forget the sweldo, however meager--you can't complain when you get your own money to spend on just yourself, diba? Siguro nagulat lang ang utak ko sa influx ng trabaho. Aba, nakaka-apat na araw pa lang ang 2007 ah! Pero ok lang.

Sabi nila, however you spend the first few days of New Year is an indication of how the whole year will be like for you. Sabi naman sa Feng Shui, swerte daw ngayong 2007 ang mga pinanganak nang Year of the Dog tulad ko. If my assumptions are correct, 2007 will be promising, full of work and sweldo, lots of laughter. And me? I'll be as lucky as a dog on wishbone heaven. Haha.

Happy New Year ulit sa lahat!

eating ube while sick....

...and other matters. Methinks I've lost my creative prose-producing mojo. My brain is but a lumpy, schlumpy mass slumped over drunk on top of my head--breathless and unconscious. My hands wish to grab hold of a pen and churn out letters, syllabi, words, anything! Just so my body feels the pulse of creative juices sloshing around the inner canals of my static veins. Alas! Everything is but a mundane, fruitless attempt at regenerating my grasp of the written word. All this, just when the clock is deafeningly ticking at my deadline for a friend's publication. Shall I jump around, knock my head into something hard that it might ignite once again the fire inside that makes the creative gears pump and grind? Shall I read, devour every bit of information and insipration I lay my hands on? Or should I give up and resort to ingesting the sweet, creamy violet treat that seemingly fills the void in my humorless, uninspired soul?

The words of a bored, senseless idiot. Bow.

happy new year, pa.

I dreamt of my dad last night. I haven't had dreams about him in a long time. I dreamt Anna and I were picking him up from the airport. He was wearing a white shirt, black jeans and aviator sunglasses (like he always did). His usually longish hair was unusually dark, like he grew a few years younger. He had a huge smile on his face. We went to this fancy hotel place, did videoke (pati sa panaginip, addict pa rin sa magic sing!) and just talked the night away. I couln't make out nor remember what we talked about, but I could sense the happiness of that moment.

I guess it was my dad's way of greeting me happy new year. I'd like to think that since we had very few holiday moments together when he was still alive, he's kind of trying to make up for that--even if it was just in a dream. And on my part, I've been thinking a lot about him too ever since the death of a friend's dad. I guess that's my way of making it up to him, even though we're worlds apart.

I was happy to welcome the year with thoughts of Papa.

Happy New Year, Pa. And Happy New Year to all of you who are lucky to still be able to welcome 2007 with your dads.