whew...

...muntik na yon ah. Good riddance, Reming. (Although of course, I feel sorry for the casualties it left behind. Tsk-tsk. Pasko pa naman.)

*****

It's my cousin Marie's birthday today. She's turning 17, which I cannot believe. Parang kailan lang, nagta-tantrums pa yon pag pinagtataguan namin ni Anna everytime we played taguan and she was taya. Tapos ngayon, malapit na siya mag college. Gosh, that makes me feel old!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MARIE!!! I LOVE YOU!!! :)

*****

It's my sister Anna's birthday on Sunday. She'll be 21--21!!! Grabe, my baby sister's not so much a baby anymore. Although I doubt she'll get away from being treated like the family's baby anytime soon--she still gets the occassional baby treatment from lolo and mama and well, almost everybody! Napagalitan nga ng malupet yun kagabi kasi late na naman umuwi. Kamusta namang birthday gift yon! Tsk-tsk.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANNABANANA!!! MAGTINO KA NA HA!!! :p

I received an early Christmas greeting from my sponsored child yesterday. Ang saya ng feeling! :)

*****

Grabe, Tuesday pa lang ngayon, pagod na ko. Yesterday was just too hectic and stressful for my liking.The darn office PC won't connect, the printer (which I managed to make work by some force of magic) kept going on and off, I had to go to SC then to SM then back just to have the Honny posters ready. I didn't even notice the time until my tummy started rumbling and I realized it was already 3pm--and I hadn't had neither breakfast nor lunch yet. Susginoo.

*****

On a lighter, happier note, I got an offer from Gerard to help out with the research on his Quiapo coffee table book, and his National Museum exhibit on February. Both with sufficient compensation, syempre. Taray! I know it's gonna be tough juggling these 2 jobs plus my other 2 jobs here in UP, pero I figured sayang naman (not the money, although God knows I can really use additional income!) the experience if I let this pass. Libro yun eh, at saka National Museum. Hello! Engot lang ang tatanggi.

Although I have to say, I'm a little worried about somebody's reaction--a really good friend, in particular. Kasi technically, kanya yung offer dati, pero nahihirapan na si Gerard kasi he rarely shows his face here. Pero dapat fair game naman yun diba, kasi trabaho yun eh. Hmm...

*****

Birthday ni Angel kahapon. 5 years old na ang baby sister ko. Pwede na mag-boyfriend, haha!

welcome back.

Starbucks with Leni, Tiendesitas with the Kids, 70's with friends Tuesday. Apo and Capone's with Anna, Jan and Jay Wednesday. Sarah's with the boys Thursday. Mabait ako nung Friday, laughtrip jamming lang with the usual people. Back to [tambak] work today.

Bumawi daw ba sa social life si Anj? Para kasing ang tagal ko nana hindi...well...hindi parang ako.

Welcome back, Anj :p

ang doppelganger, si pacquiao at si catherine the great.

Nung isang araw, bigla kong naisip na Thanksgiving na pala. Ibig sabihin, malapit na ang Pasko. Ang billis na ng mga araw, 5:30 pa lang madilim na ang paligid. Naisip ko na sayang at hindi ko man lang namalayan at dumaan na ang Halloween, na isa sa mga paborito kong okasyon.

Kung alam ko lang. Nyiiii.

Ganito kasi yon. Dumalaw kami ni Anna sa aming lolo na naka-confine sa hospital. Sa Manila Adventist Medical Center sa Pasay, to be exact (wag niyo na akong tanungin kung bakit doon, samantalang kami ay mga Katoliko na taga-Caloocan--hindi ko din yun masasagot). Luma na yung ospital, may vibe na medyo 60's o 70's ang dating. Sa katunayan, nagpalit na siya ng pangalan--dati siyang Manila Sanitarium (kamusta naman yun diba? nyiii.)

Eniweys, pauwi na kami nun ni Anna at naghihintay sa may elevator nang may isang batang lalaki--mga 10 o 11 years old sa tantya ko, naka-pulang t-shirt at blue na shorts--na tumayo sa likod namin, waring nag-aabang din ng elevator pababa. Medyo matagal pa kaming naghintay. Siguro, palibhasa maiksi ang attention span ng mga bata, nainis at nainip na yung batang lalaki at umalis. Kasabay naman ng kanyang pag-alis (as in!) ang pagtunog ng isang malakas na Ting! Andyan na ang elevator. Sasabihin ko sanang, "Sayang, kung kelan siya umalis saka naman dumating ang elevator!" Pero hindi ko na nasabi. Dahil pagbukas ng elevator andun na yung batang maka-dalawang segundo lang ay nasa likuran ko.

Nung medyo natauhan ako, daglian kong sinilip kung andun pa si Bata no. 1 sa corridor. Pero wala na siya. At pagtingin ko ulit sa elevator, wala na din si Bata no.2

Pramis, nanlamig ang buong katawan ko. Pati ang kapatid ko, na maputla na talaga, ay namutla pa nang extra. Ni hindi man lang kami nakapag-salita upang i-verify sa isa't isa ang nakita namin. Tahimik kaming bumaba, lumabas ng elevator at ng hospital, at hindi na lumingon pa. Baka mamaya naka-dungaw na yung bata (no. 1 man o no.2) sa bintana at kumakaway. Hihimatayin ako sakaling mangyari yun.

Sa bahay na lang namin napag-usapan ni Anna kung ano nga ba yung nakita namin. Kambal? Pwede. Nahilo lang ba kami sa gutom? Hindi rin malayo. Pero para sa akin (at tingin ko kay Anna din), isang doppelganger ang nakita namin. Paki-hanap na lang sa German dictionary yung ibig sabihin. Basta ang bottom line--mumu! Nyiiiii....

Dapat pala hindi ko na naisip na sayang at na-miss ko ang Halloween. Yan tuloy, nag-pahabol pa.

*****

Laban ni Pacquiao kahapon. 3 rounds lang at napatunayan niya ni hindi naman pala ganoon ka-terible si El Terrible. Sabi tuloy ng lolo ko, Manny Pacquiao is the greatest Filipino boxer to date, and probably in the history of Filipino boxing. Sabi naman ni Anna, siguro nga nakakatulong pag ang daming nagdadasal para sayo.

Ako? Isa lang ang masasabi ko--wag ko sanang maka-away si Manny Pacquiao.

Eniweys, grabe ang Pacquiao fever sa Pilipinas. Pati si Enrico Villanueva at Joseph Yeo, nahawa at nagmistulang mga boksingero sa ring nang mag-abot sa parking lot matapos ang basketball game. Yung dalawang yun talaga, oo. Tsk-tsk.

*****

May bago akong natutunan na baklang term kay Anna nung isang araw. Katherine. Pwede ring Catherine, o kat-kat, for short. Ang ibig sabihin, malandi bordering on the pok squared. Makati. Kaya nga kat-kat. Kati-kati. Tapos, in the usual lait-fashion, gumawa kami ng mental list kung sino-sino sa mga kakilala namin ang may pagka-KatKat.

Bigla ko tuloy naisip ang isa sa mga namumukod-tanging Katkat na nakilala ko sa aking buhay, sabay sabi ng, "Naku, kung ganun pala ang mga Katkat, eh di si ***** pala ay si CATHERINE THE GREAT!"

Ahehehe. Mean.

*****

Ayoko na nga, magpapakabait na ko. Pasko na :p

alone again....naturally.

Mag-isa na naman ako ngayong hapon. Mag-isa ngayon sa malaki at mala-North Pole na kwarto sa opisina. Mag-isa mamaya sa malaki at mala-North Pole din na kwarto sa bahay. Sabi nga ng kanta, "Alone again....naturally."

Mas maayos na ang pakiramdam ko ngayong araw na ito kesa sa mga nakaraang araw. Madilim pa rin ang paligid at kapansin-pansin na lumalamig na ang simoy ng hangin. Pero hindi na masyadong nakiki-sabay sa panahon ang pakiramdam ko. "Nag-effort" kasi ako, makawala lang sa depresyong dala sa akin ng mga nakaraang araw--kumain sa labas at namasyal kasama ng kapatid ko, nanood ng bagong pelikulang James Bond, gumala at nagliwaliw wag lang makulong sa malungkot at madilim na bahay. Effective, sa totoo lang.

Pero mauubusan na yata ako ng pampalipas-oras. Ano naman kaya ang gagawin ko mamaya? Aalis ang kapatid ko, gigimik na naman kasama ang mga kaibigan niya. Ang mga kaibigan ko, busy naman sa kani-kanilang trabaho't buhay eskwela. Alangan namang gumimik ako mag-isa. Loser.

Kung may kotse lang ako, susundin ko ang payo ng Eraserheads noon--magda-drive ako hanggang...buwan. Hayyy. Miss ko na ang dating E-heads.

Miss ko na din ang dating hectic kong buhay.

DEAR ___: an open letter

I'm sorry to bother you. I'm sorry if it seems to you like I'm making a huge deal out of nothing. I'm just in this weird place in my life right now. Trust me, I never wanted a huge issue out of this--heck, I don't even like drama that much. Neither did I want someone to take my side. I didn't. All I wanted was someone to reassure me that things are going to work out jus fine, that I shouldn't worry. Apparently, that was asking too much. So I apologize.

You'll never hear a word of this from me again. It's not worth it--both for you and for me. Because in the first place, I'm never going to get from you the simple thing that I want--and that is understanding. I now see that you will never be able to give me that because, well...because you don't know me at all. You never did.

ME

the blahs....again

I realized something yesterday that kind of gave light as to why I am how I am as of late.

I realized that I just cannot be around depressed/depressing people. It just freaking sucks the energy out of me.

I am a very optimistic person, and it just kills me to hear people having such a negative outlook--talking about how there's no hope, how we should all just give up. It saddens me and worse, the urge to feel the same way is just so unavoidable for me. One emotionally-draining talk and I'm done. I'm a zombie in this vortex of depression.

I had one of these so-called heart-to-heart talks (which in my opinion should be called knife-to-heart, rather) just yesterday and now I'm just so....blah (for lack of a better word).

I'm just so tired of this emotional shithole that I'm in. Tired of being around people like so.

Help me get out, please.

tamad...tamad...tamad...

After a week of racing to beat deadlines--idle time, finally. :) Hayyy, sarap.

Watched the Sino Sikat? gig @ Metro last Wednesday. Astig pa rin talaga si Guitar God Nick. Some things never change, hehe.

Janrey's leaving for Oman on Tuesday. One year din yun. Sabi nga ni Leni, "Wow. May OFW na tayo." Hahaha.

Had an "encounter" with a friend the other day. I half-expected it to be awkward, true--but it was so not. Super normal, in fact. Mabuti na rin siguro yon.

Planning a trip to Galera with Leni and the others. Sana matuloy (paging Jas Molina...). Sana...

I'm afraid my recent vacation from blogging has left me unispired and well...tamad. I need my mojo back--in more ways than one! Halp!

on feeling old[er], saddam, and "the list"

sheesh. i must really be getting old. i've never felt how old 24 was until 4am this morning when i caught my sister sneaking in from a night of partying--after she promised, nay--vowed--to be home before midnight. i was so furious, i really let her have it.

not on my watch, sis. not on my watch. hmph.

grschh. i just hope old doesn't equal boring. i'd hate to be a pill this young.


***
i just heard about the saddam verdict. death by hanging. jeesh. well i guess the bastard deserved it. it just really bothered me, seeing his reaction (or lack thereof, rather) upon the reading of the verdict. parang...wala lang. and like he kind of enjoyed it. soul-less people, grschh. sabi nga ni anna, "Ganyan talaga pag na-benta mo na kay Satanas yung kaluluwa mo."

gives me the shivers just thinking about it. nyiiii.

***
it was andrea's 24th last thursday, and we had dinner with leah and mariel. then our mandatory coffee wind-down at coffee bean. that was when "the list" made it's first appearance.

the list is, well, an actual list of the order that we think members of our barkada will (in the course of eventuality) will get, well....hitched. it's silly, i know. it just started out as a joke, since a friend who was supposed to get married next year just happened to break off her engagement recently. so we had this list as a joke that since she occupied the first slot but never really pushed through, she had to make pila again--and no singit. haha.

it's stupid, really. just 24-year-old single ladies having a laugh...while subconsciously trying to picture what life will be like in what--2, 3, 5, 10 years? i don't know, it just got me thinking about how it's the not-so-far future for us, since everybody's at that age already. weird. 5 years ago, i would never have pictured us having that conversation. but here we are. weird.

by the way, just for the curious....i'm number 2 on the list. hehe.

*ahem, ahem*

ahem ahem talaga. i've been nursing this horrible cough for almost a week now and it's still not gone. argh! everyone's sick too--daddy, anna, my friends. ack!

so i was sick on my birthday and the day after that. didn't stop me from checking out the fastpitch gig in capone's with anna, though :p i loved cdmc (i think they're the ones who won rockmoto) and hilera, of course (i heart enzo!). too bad i wasn't able to catch fastpitch--i decided it was safer to go home than pass out at capone's, hehe. but it was nice to hang out with friends again. that always makes even sick nights extra special.

went to the cemetery yesterday. good thing, since the duavits were there. always nice to catch up with family i don't see often. it was nice to see tita cita, meggie, francis (who's gonna be a certified chef come june. congrats, cuz!), patrick and tricia. it's weird though--i sometimes still forget that tito eddie's not with us anymore. sayang, he used to be the life of the party pa naman. and mommy--i can't believe it's been 8 years since she passed away. 8 years since i've been in high school--double ack!

last night i was, according to my cono sister, senti-ing. i was talking to a friend, and i just decided to thank him for being the sweetest guy i know. wala lang. temporary insanity. weird, cos i'm never that way. i mean, it takes a pretty huge thing (like getting over a huge problem, or a fight, or an occassion, etc.) to tell a person stuff like that. i dunno. siguro it was the right time and the right moment na rin. and what he replied just made me all the more certain that indeed, he was the sweetest guy i know. he said, "you're awesome."

chareeeng. ganda ng lola mo. hahaha.

just finished a meeting with the bosses. looks like i'm gonna have a load of work on my hands till the sem ends. hayyy... but it's ok. it'll be a miracle if i could juggle all of it at the same time, but i'm never one to back down on challenges. malay natin, they'll think i did a superb job and give me a raise or a bonus. hehe, asa pa.

it's drei's birthday today (matanda ka na din, bruha!) and i might join her and leah at greenbelt tonight. usapang baliw na naman to!