"uh. no idea."

Eh. Lagi naman e. Paki-gamit ang utak, please. Kahit minsan lang. Nakakainis. Grrr.

I have the weirdest feeling in my gut. That sinking feeling--maybe this is what it feels like. I don't like it. Make it stop, please.

Jika: Musta na? Anj: Eto. Bored. ***** I'm bored. Jay was right. I can't keep on doing this forever. I need a job. Fast. Need the money. Need something to do with my time. *sigh*

across...the bay.

Went to San Francisco last Saturday to meet up with Anna's friend, Inna, and watch Across the Universe. Well, we did go. And we did meet up. The movie, hehe--let's just say we got a little sidetracked. We walked around hoping to pass the time before showtime and we happened to pass this teeny-tiny ickle store called Bloomingdale's. The rest is history. ahehehe So, needless to say, all we did yesterday in San Francisco was eat, shop our butts off, walk off our misery over overspending, do some more [retail] damage, eat, and walk our butts off. And camwhore. And reminisce. And daydream. The weather, which was supposed to be really horrid and wet, was the exact opposite. It was sunny and cool, not cold and windy with nary a cloud in sight. It was perfect. It wasn't such a waste, after all, yesterday :)

it's 3 am, i must be lonely...

...thus this blah entry. It's 1:30 am actually. Two weeks of me here in Napa. Two weeks of jetlag. Two weeks of f*cked up sleeping habits. God. I was online as early as 5 am today, credit to my lack of sleep and lack of new things to do. It was 45 degrees Fahrenheit. That's 7.2 degrees Celsius. And dropping. I was so cold, so miserable in my tropical weather sweaters that Mama decided to whisk me off to the clothing store to buy winter wear. In September. Unbelievable. I'm bored stupid. I've done everything there is to do in this small, sleepy town (well, everything except take my Stepdad up on his karaoke-at-the-steakhouse dare. hah! ako pa?! don't make me laugh....). I miss my friends. I miss Arki, and Sarah's, and SM North and movies at Trinoma. Choco Kiss and Oz. I miss sunsets in UP, especially now that it's always dark and cold and drizzling almost all day. Good thing I have raket tomorrow night. And San Francisco for Across the Universe on Saturday. And coffee with Jeff and Lutrell on Sunday. And the Jeep. I know I said "All you need is love." Well, sometimes you need a little bit of sleep too. Hayyyy.

pools.of.sorrow.waves.of.joy.

Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love.Love, Love, Love. There's nothing you can do that can't be done. Nothing you can sing that can't be sung. Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy. Nothing you can make that can't be made. No one you can save that can't be saved. Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time. It's easy. All you need is love.All you need is love. All you need is love, love.Love is all you need. Can't say it any better than that :)

dear evil bhoy,

I woke up this morning to find an e-mail from Rap the Evil Bhoy, who's not so evil after all. It was simple, just saying how he missed me and that I should take care and keep in touch. Awww :) Dear Evil Bhoy, Miss na kita at ang mga ka-evil-an natin sa tambayan. Sa sobrang miss ko sa'yo, binili kita ng tatlong bote ng Pickapeppa Sauce (sows?). Ingat ka, lalo na sa mga bagay na tumatalbog. Love, BitchBitch

mababaw lang...

...but then maybe things are supposed to be like that once you try to make a fresh start out of your life. Like a newborn, not knowing anything, not being able to do anything by yourself at first. It's a weird concept how you have to hold on to someone's hand for a while, with the ultimate goal of being comfortably independent for the rest of your life. It's close to my second week here and I have to say, I'm pretty happy with the way things are going. I've been able to do "important stuff" (read:boring stuff like get my ID, open a bank account, do little odd jobs here and there for the meantime, etc.). Next week I'm getting my license and a phone. After that, I'm going around jobhunting (there's a couple of openings I'm pretty interested at, it's just a question of whether I stick to what I know, or I go with what I love. hmmm...) People say I should chill out, relax for a while. Get my affairs in order. After all, it hasn't even been a couple of weeks. I don't know. Part of me wants to do just that, I feel like I deserve it. But part of me's saying, "Go!". Strike while the iron is hot, get in the groove, something like that. Momentum. I'm up for a job again Friday, then I'm spending the Saturday with Anna and a friend in San Francisco to catch up and maybe watch Across the Universe. Sunday is driving day.

*bow* TENCHU, TENCHU. nyehehe

Easy as pie. If you guys ever have the chance to babysit, I think I've got a perfectly reliable formula to survive: 1 McDonald's Happy Meal + Cartoon Network + Spaghetti for Lunch + Arts and Crafts + Snack-size Frito Lay's + A computer game called Cake Mania = HAPPINESS I didn't even break a sweat :p

i feel like a frigging statistic :p

I'm doing my mom a favor today and babysitting not one, not two, but THREE kids. This should be interesting. Heaven help me *gulp*. It's getting colder here everyday, and it all the more magnifies my longing for everything back home (hey, it's been barely a week, forgive me if I'm still on drama-mode :p). Thank God for technology, it doesn't feel as bad as it is--just a little text over here, and a PM over there, and my day is done. Pretty soon I'm gonna have to snap out of this rut. I mean, it's not even my first week here but there's already a couple of jobs that have been "winking" at me from afar. "Take me....". Haha. I guess America doesn't necessarily think much of a, say, honeymoon period. Business agad. I'm mulling it over, and hopefully in a month (maybe less) I'll have a good answer. Wish me luck! :p

i'm baaaaack.

Just got back from a 3-day trip to Lake Tahoe with my mom, my sisters, and family friends. Ang ganda ng Tahoe! The weather's nice (warm at day and cold at night. "Tagaytay in Baguio", hahaha), the people are nice, great views, good food, and the nightlife--bars, casinos, concerts (wah, The Killers!). I'm not a "mountain person"--I'd pick the beach anytime--but I liked the experience (kahit muntik na kami ni Anna makapatay ng 9-year-old, grrrr). Sad nga e, kasi a huge forest fire last summer burned down parts of the mountain range. Still, it was very, very pretty. I can't wait to go back in December and snowboard (not to mention try my hand at the casinos again. Nanalo ako ng tumataginting na........$55! hahaha). If you guys ever get a chance to go to the States, punta kayong Lake Tahoe. Happy, promise :) I'd have to say it was a great experience, but it would have been greater had my friends been there. Eto yung mga moments na I wish that plane fare was as cheap as going to say, Batangas. Or I could just fit everybody in my suitcase. Or may floo powder talaga. But I think the traveling's doing me some good, easing my mind of the *hikbi* pain and the heartbreak. Hahahaha. Tomorrow I'm volunteering over at my sister Angel's elementary school to help cook lunch for the kids. Yahu.

update (for lack of a better title)

I'm here. Finally. After almost a year and 17+ hours on the plane, I'm back. I'm happy in a way, but I can't help but feel a void in my spirit. A hole in my soul, like that Aerosmith song says. Not after a wonderful farewell with friends and a million touching texts. I cried on the taxi home, while packing my stuff, on the plane, in my dreams. Masakit e. ***** Masakit on one end, masaya on the other. I'm with my mom again, after almost a year. With my baby sister who seems to have grown (in more ways than one) overnight. In a new environment teeming with what I like to call "fragrant possibilities." Plus, I think I found myself a raket already. Amazing. haha ***** Magda-drama lang ako ngayon. And the coming week probably. But I will set my affairs right immediately after that. Kasi yung ang tama.

babay, friends. hanggang sa muli.

Had lunch with my lolo, then a little farewell dinner at Chocolate Kiss with friends. Sinagad ko naman talaga ang time ko with them. Masaya, cos I was kind of expecting it to be senti, sad and tearful (well, sa dulo lang yung tearful, at konti lang :p), but of course, my friends wouldn't have any of that. So instead of a gloomy last day here in the Philippines, I was treated to a very funny, very happy get-together--good food, music and lots of laughs to last me at least a year (at least until I come back).

Salamat--Leni, Kim, Dax, Rosab, Foomy, Joe, Rap, Arni, Agnes at Fae. Thanks for a wonderful [not so farewell] farewell. I will miss you all! *huuuuge hug*

Salamat din sa lahat ng nag-text. I super appreciate it (Lalo ka na Jonathan Albaniel, hindi mo pa alam na aalis na ko! Hmph.). Kitakits, guys!

It's a sad day, it still is. But somehow it doesn't hurt that bad, knowing how much people care about you.

Wala na kong masabi e. Pics na lang :)

Oble at dusk. Ang ganda.; Evil Boy and Soon-to-be-Evil Girl :p; Sexytime, wahaha.; Ako at ang zumu-Zoolander na si Level 9!;Leni, pre-bondat; Tumi-TIMY na naman si Daxdax!; Laki ng ngiti mo, Popoy ah!; Daxdax, pa-cute.; Kim and Rap aka "Pianne"; Evil Girl and the Goddess; Fae and Me.

what the hey, what a day :p

Kung ganito lang talaga kasimple at kasaya ang pagpapaalam, I might just consider doing it more often. Joke lang, hehe.

First off was lunch at Yellowcab with Koyah, Mike and Leni. Busog, camwhoring, atbp. Ang saya-saya. Salamat ng marami, Koyah!

Then there was the L&L. Syempre kunwari pa kaming hindi satisfied, pero sa totoo lang, natuwa ako kasi kinareer naman talaga ng apps, from backdrop to full band. Medyo bitin lang, pero ok lang (thanks in huge part to ****. Hayminlaaaaab... wehehe). Congrats sa apps ngayon, astig kayo. Pero dapat pagbalik ko, mas astig pa kayo bilang mems. Kundi, lagooooooot.

And of course, what better way than a Sarah's session to top it all off? Beer and pizza--the best combination ever. Happy ako dun kasi lahat represented--apps, mems, alumni. Tapos medyo basag din lahat. Yun e. Salamat kay Lloyd, na nagpasaya ng gabi namin nila Agnes '03, Dax "Caste System" '06, Ruelo "Prince-King Hair" '04, Pia aka Joji '87, Carlo aka Kevhoy 2, Sudie, Ab at GB aka Gheevet (ako kanina si Anj "Emo-grant" '04). Wahaha.

Tomorrow is my last day here (at magkakape kami ni Jay, dahil medyo ma-drama din siya ngayon. Wah). Medyo malungkot, pero I can honestly (honestly na naman...) say na ngayon naiisip ko mas kaya ko na, with the realization that it won't really be a goodbye-goodbye to these awesome people that I hold so dear. Magkikita pa naman kaming lahat, at pag nangyari yon, patay na naman tayo diyan! Hahaha.

Kwento ko lang---Na-touch naman ako kay Dino kanina.
Dino: "Anong oras flight mo?"
Anj: "10 am."
Dino: "Ay, sayang. Pupuntahan sana kita sa airport, kaya lang may exam ako eh."
Awww. Natunaw naman ako don :)

Salamat sa lahat ng nakasama ko kanina sa supposedly, aking farewell-drama-iyakan despedida. I didn't say goodbye (well, at least, not final ones). Hindi din ako nag-drama (ji-names piscos ko lang si daxdax ng konti, wehehe). At lalong hindi ako umiyak (well, muntik na, pero sa kakatawa). Salamat, at hanggang sa muli!

:)

babala: wag basahin kung ayaw ng drama :p

It's really sinking in right now.

My room is a mess. I've picked out the stuff I want to bring with me, the clothes I want to wear, the books I promised myself I will read (to pass the time and the loneliness), and the things I decided to leave behind are basically just strewn around in my room. Like confetti. Or as if a banana bomb exploded in my room just now.

This must be how people with terminal illnesses feel. Picking out the clothes they want to wear to their own funeral, picking which stuff goes to whom, writing a last will and testament. This is probably the closest I'll get to that feeling--although it bothers me that I associate my leaving with dying. You're weird, Anj.

I should be excited. This is, after all, my choice, and like I always say, kung ano ang pinili mo, panindigan mo. But I can't really help it if I'm still feeling torn over everything, can I?

I told Leni last night that despite the fact that I've made my decision and I'm happy that I did, part of me still feels so unsure about all of this. Jitters? Maybe. Thing is, part of me wants this to work out so bad, and yet another part of me is thinking that it wouldn't be so bad if it didn't. Feeling ko tuloy ang sama ko for even thinking about it like that. But like I said, I can't help it.

I know I'll probably get over this in a week or so. And the fact that I'm actually already planning for an August '08 vacation somehow leads me to believe that everything will be alright--I'll be just fine. A year goes by really fast, after all. And like I've said over and over, there are no definite goodbyes when it comes to friends. OK lang ako, kaya ko 'to.

Ayoko lang mag-senti, mag-drama. Pero naiisip ko minsan, is it worth getting so worked up over this? Baka naman ako lang yun. Will other people miss me as much as I will miss them (which is, in all honesty, to death)? Wala lang.

Hay naku. Ayoko na ngang mag-isip. Sana pag natulog ako, paggising ko andun na ko. Para tapos na, wala nang madami pang ek-ek.

pkyu, iPod.

I finally got around to dragging myself up to pack, which was hard enough to do when you're trying not to think about what it actually means. Then that doggone iPod had to play Leaving on a Jet Plane pa. Bastos amp. Ahaha.

ay, sus. *smacks forehead*

Crap is as crap does. Don't expect anything better than b-s if that's all you're contributing.

Ako lang--Honestly, I mean, really now, YOU want to talk about MATURITY and WORK ETHIC????

Tsk. Don't make me laugh.

update.

Just got home from dinner and coffee with the girls (di sila tulog-mode this sleepy Sunday eh). Seppy's 25th and my farewell-and-see-you-later-bitches dinner. Lots of talk, laughter, kwento about, um, stuff etc. etc.

I hope one year goes by fast.

*****

Ang mahal ng damit ng kids, can I just say? I went to Kids of Bayo to buy my baby sister some clothes. Grabe, ginto. Oh well.

Sunglasses shopping. Ang bagong rehab. Bow.

*****

Monkey...monkey... I've got bananas for you....
Wahahaha.

ah sey one!

So sick today I wasn't able to go to the bookfair Leni invited me to. Pasensya na. Sayang. Na-sobrahan yata ako sa happiness. Double, triple, quadruple, 10 thousand times happiness.

Sabi na eh--I'm not going down without a fight! haha

Yesterday
bank. work. trinoma lunch with leni, cheska, agnes and x. work. tambay. sablay tanaga stories. lando's open mic poetry with bongos, wahaha. career kerengkeng with christian cruz. kilig kim. kilig foom. kilig all around. rain. stolen, dashboard confessional. worms. sarah's with the oldies. beer. tuna skyflakes. sausage. twin popsies. stories. *gasp* confessions, haha. skip and skank. jack daniels and coke. more beer. nyko maca. sino sikat. [bur]nick azarcon the guitar god rules even while drunk. bonding with rely, wahaha. kat. omigod. kat, hayyyyy. tseri. jamaican party 2. song and dance. talk. drink. talk. dance till you drop. sore throat. sore feet and legs. sore everything. happiness. happiness. happiness.

Pics it's a motherfreaking reunion; dax and popoy the love god; anjanj and daxdax; sino sikat, yahu!

Today
home. sick. recuperating for another round *wink*. hehe.